I know there are people in Buffalo without places to sleep and eat. And an entire country full of people without ANYTHING. (Haiti, never forget .) But GOD I WANT WATER IN MY APARTMENT.
My landlord is out of town, his water is working so it’s just me. He will try to call a plumber from wherever he is.
In the meantime. No coffee. No water. No shower. No flushing.
I have to pick up my script from Rite Aid on Delaware and Delevan because the BCBS we have doesn’t allow Walgreens. Not seeing much of a point now, because I’ve been without for at least a week now and feeling dizzy anyhow. Depression, who cares.
Its 6 degrees out.
Walking to PriceRite seems innocent but walking BACK WITH SEVERAL GALLONS OF WATER just ain’t gonna happen.
Buying good healthy food at the grocery store and stocking up only happens when 1. it’s every other payday (which isn’t the time rent is due) cause it’s the only time there’s extra money floating around. And it SIMPLY DOESN’T HAPPEN at all when walking, ever. I need a good shop. But to get in a good shop, I need wheels.
To put my van back on the road to drive it the one time I might need to a week will likely, now, cost nearly an entire paycheck. Insurance, registration, plates, fixing the stalling army tank sound and smell that eminates to pass inspection.
I hate everything.
I quit. I’m going back to bed, where I have piles and piles of books. And an efficient space heater that last I checked, was still working.
What a joke dating…I can’t even get myself my meds from the drugstore or water for my cats. Why should a member of the opposite sex to enjoy my company? Whatever.
Funny thing…money. If I had money, I would have food in my house. I could go to the store and buy gallons of water to flush the toilet and give fresh water to my cats. I would make a fresh pot of coffee. Or just go to Starbucks because I still have a gift card. I wouldn’t be dizzy, because I picked up the Zoloft from the drugstore last week when I should have instead of dreading the way too far away in the cold walk to get to the bus, which takes 20 minutes and then wait for another bus which takes 20 minutes so the whole trip that takes 10 minutes with wheels takes 90 minutes in zero temps. I would be able to get out of the house and go to a friends house to take a hot shower. But really, who is going to pack up in the freezing cold to walk to take a shower to walk back home? I wouldn’t be eating shittastic order out food, because it was the easy option to call instead of getting to the grocery store. I might actually DRIVE down to see the nice man who came to see me several times from Fredonia for a date, instead of having him come to me. Which I won’t even consider without being able to take a shower or flush the toilet in my house. I would likely spend the day escaping reality. Instead, I will do the same thing in my bed with Simba Cat soaking up the sun from the window while typing out this blog post…Simba Cat is a good cat to have when depressed and crying.
I can be content. But that doesn’t mean I’m not crying because I’m a pathetic poor loser who can’t get anything she needs without depending or asking help from others. I should be old enough to take care of myself. And I can…I can get water from the store if I walk. I can take the bus to the drugstore. I can I can I can, but I don’t. Because, I’m a loser. And I’d much rather stay in bed and cry and sleep the day away than deal with reality.