Ah, Lent. Those damn men.
Bah! I failed. But first I will start with the successes.
Cute Nerdy Boy is off the radar, unfortunately. Sad because he is SUCH a sweetheart. And did I mention how comfortable we were smooching? My GOD I miss smooching. Towards the end of my relationship with Mark the smooching was almost, sad to say, extinct. And when we did smooch, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, it was awkward and uncomfortable and all I could think of is how I wanted so…much…more…(and I don’t mean physically, or smoochingly—is that a word?) I meant, more to US. Emotionally. Strange how it affected kissing, but it did. I wanted to hear *I love you* sigh.
NOT MY POINT. What was my point? Oh Nerdy Boy. Adorable, kind, romantic, doting, sweet and totally into me. Smart. And yet…long-term completely unsuitable. He just doesn’t get the idea that people can have different political ideas and still respect each other.
The funny thing is I saw it coming a mile away. Been there done that with that cute nerdy lawyer boy who was so much like my ex John on paper (but soooo not John.) Zack ADORED me. And I felt suffocated in an instant. Flowers at the airport? Smooches all the time! ACK! Only two weekends of hanging together and countless hours of long distance phone conversations made me realize, he also would NEVER respect me because I was an *EVIL* REPUBLICAN. Mind you, I’m about as center of the road as they come…
Sigh. I kindly tried again despite somewhere in the back of my mind knowing better but it’s been 3 weeks now. Damn cute nerdy political boys. He emailed me late Friday telling me I was too sweet sometimes…sigh… I had to end it. I know better. But he was offering me romantic sweetness that I’m not sure I ever welcomed before.
Now for the other successful and very innocent crushes.
John, ex in DC…has been checking in on me much more regularly when I stay away. Interesting. Again, nothing will ever be with us. I like this one better when he’s just an idea.
I have a crush that was somewhat abandoned or so I thought…until he came up to me the other night and made sure to say hello. As soon as he saw me he made sure to say hello. Which made me smile of course. (Dammit.) I did however REFRAIN from emailing him and online flirting after the event (which I usually would do) funny how that works, because he popped up on his very own and started conversation. Been a very good girl here. Nothing to report.
And another crush who I truly wrote off and abandoned, came in the office the other day and I turned BRIGHT RED. HOLY heckadoodle! I wrote him off because well, our conversation has trailed and I haven’t been trying. I felt weird actually…I should have met him by now. I’ve had 3 events, no 5 events in the last 6 weeks that he could have been at for work and he wasn’t at any of them. I started to think it was odd that we haven’t met and maybe he was avoiding me (paranoid silly girlness.) I was in the graphic designers office talking about something when I saw two people walk by the hall and then a split second later I see the cute boy peek his head in the office sooooo sweet saying “Jennifer, my God we finally meet!” And he came in and we chatted briefly and he was the sweetest thing ever and I turned bright red and babbled something and have no idea what I said to him at all. Um, yeah. SUCCESS because I did NOT email him after meeting, which I would have done usually…I’m stepping back.
Now how about those failures?
Let’s just say texting and emailing and phoning was the vehicle to my destruction. Oops. And man, do I need to get to visit him again soon. Ahem.
And I do spend an awful lot of time with my BFF.