One would think with all the time in the world you would accomplish so very many things! Think of all the books read, words written, wandering walks taken, magnificent meals that could be made…the list could go on and on.

So why is it I have the luxury to stay at home right now without a job and yet I’m finding myself doing nothing? I mean not even NaNoWriMo this weekend. I have all the time in the world and I’m wasting it away dreaming on Pinterest? On Twitter chatting with others from the seat of the gorgeous house I should be moving about in. I’m so pathetic. And I don’t understand it.

I do get out in the community quite a bit when I choose. Lots of fundraisers and events. But there have been so many more times I could have joined a group or a board or volunteer or meet up with a friend for lunch that I have chosen to…to…DO WHAT? Nothing.

These are the questions that haunt me. If I started writing a list of all the things I could do. I might never stop. Instead I muse while putting words on the screen hoping to at least catch up to the NaNoWriMo goal for one day. Sad.

I want to get healthy. I have an indoor pool and I can count the number of times I’ve been in our pool on one hand this past month. Actually on one FINGER. I own an indoor pool. I don’t work. And I haven’t been swimming? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? If anything we jump in the jacuzzi tub once or twice a week  but that can hardly count as getting healthy and exercising.

I want to get healthy. I own acres of land that are wooded and filled with branches that need to be cleared. I have a creek and a pond I can walk around and enjoy the view. I have yard that needs to be tended and goldenrod weeds that surround the perimeter torn out by the roots. I have tulip and daffodil bulbs that are waiting to be planted. Raised beds waiting to be created. And what do I do? NOTHING. I took a walk down the driveway with the dog the other day to the mailbox and found myself winded upon getting back to the front door of the house. WINDED. How does that happen? How do I have a doggie that loves to walk and I never walk with him? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of outside my door and I do nothing. I even have a gorgeous new bike that HWMMS bought me for Christmas last year and where does it sit? In the garage. I haven’t been on it ONCE.

I want to get healthy. I have all the time in the world to wake up and drink a hot cup of lemon water while starting the day on the porch watching the animals frolic outdoors. Our refrigerator is filled or can be filled with fresh fruits and vegetables. We can even afford organic. I could be making green smoothies everyday and drinking it along side my cup of coffee. I could be exploring all those amazing recipes I find on Pinterest and cooking healthy lunches and dinners. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I love cooking! I have the most amazing spacious kitchen I could ever have dreamed of and yet I only cook maybe once or twice a week? We have endless room for pantry supplies….two freezers in the garage to store all the extra food I make. And yet…

I want to get healthy and the easiest thing I can think of in the world would be take supplements to ensure at least I’m doing something for my body. A prenatal vitamin, omega 3, vitamin c, probiotic and then my crazy pill. Easiest thing I can think of yet I still don’t do it everyday for some reason. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I want to get healthy and I have yoga DVDs that sit on the shelf completely dusty. I have all the time in the world to do stretching, take walks go up and down the stairs a few times. ANYTHING to get those 10,000 steps in and I do nothing. I have money to go to a gym if I wanted and to take classes and I could do this at anytime of the day or night. No restrictions! Heck I could get a personal trainer too and I don’t. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? There is never ever ever going to be another time in my life that I can have unlimited free time. First world problem of first world problems and yet…

I want to get healthy. I love drinking water. I have a refrigerator that has unlimited fresh water at my fingertips and yet I tend to not drink the allotted amount per day. Eight for a regular person but since I’m the size of two people I believe it is more towards sixteen glasses. Of course this means I will have to pee every hour or half hour but I have that ability! I don’t work! I can sit on the damn toilet and pee and drink water all day. And yet I don’t WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

This rant depresses me because it only deals with one part of the things I could be doing….getting healthy. I’m not even thinking about getting healthy just for me anymore. For real…we are trying to have children. I have no choice but to get my act in gear and yet that hasn’t even lit a fire under my ass. No excuses of time or money or resources. Just no explanation.

On the creative side I could be reading. I have so many books and magazines. I should be writing…that was the point of signing up for this challenge right? And yes I know that technically this entry is not one that should count towards word total but I need to get something down somewhere to get started and nothing else was coming to my mind despite knowing I have 1,000 stories to share. I could be working on the house. Unpacking boxes organizing the office upstairs…PAINTING. Reorganizing the pantry and my closet. Hanging things on the wall. Sigh…WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I could be crafting. I have ideas. I could be baking. I could be singing. I could be…

The list goes on and on. And yet nothing ever changes. What is wrong with me?