I have *NO* idea what hit me yesterday….but it was like everything I’ve been working towards, being confident and good and in control and and and…went out the window. I had a really nice Saturday. And Sunday I woke up not wanting to do a thing, which is fine…it happens sometimes, this is normal. I don’t feel guilty, it is what it is.
As the day went on, I napped some more. I didn’t go to church. I didn’t go to the gym. I didn’t meet up with friends at the BPO concert in the afternoon or make it out to the island for my Aunt’s concert.
I don’t know. I started to do things and I wrapped up a Playstation Game (Happy Feet) that Mark bought for me for Christmas 2 years ago….I sold it online. And I started crying. And crying. And then cried some more and didn’t have any reason to be crying really….but did.
And then listened to a sad song and cried…and another…and another. Inconsolable. And with no *real* reason at all. Not missing him or wanting him back really? Not regretting? Not….I just don’t know.
Funny how I said a while back that I didn’t think I could cry…cause I really haven’t for more than a minute at a time here and there.
So by the time I went to bed which was 1:30ish… my chest was tight. I had stopped crying. And was trying to sleep. Nothing on my mind. But I felt like I couldn’t breathe…I of course thought it was medical like asthma, because it couldn’t be a panic attack….but as the night went on and I panicked more about not being able to breathe.
I think I went to bed sometime around 4-5.
Bah. Makes no sense. And my chest still feels tight today.