Back in December WHENMYANXIETYLEVELWASTHROUGHTHEROOF i would work 12+ hour days in the office and HWMMS would join me there after dinner so he could stream “free” WIFI to watch Netflix while I worked. Oh and spend time with me. And help lick envelopes. But mostly to stream WIFI because we had data caps at Weber Wonderland.
Marvel has all these nifty little Netflix only series out with different characters and HWMMS was itchin’ to watch them: Jessica Jones, Luke Cage…Daredevil. He was really interested in ME watching Daredevil with him because “my boy Shane” is in it.
I had work to do, but I would hear him play the episodes and the theme song over and over and over again, signifying another hour has gone by and yes, we should stay for one more hour, episode…I still had things to do.
Also did I mention MYANXIETYLEVELWASTHROUGHTHEROOF at the time?
Flash forward to this past week.
We now have unlimited data thanks to Verizon (and yes, it is sometimes painfully slow on the internet, but painfully slow is still better than painfully HOLY HELL EXPENSIVE where you can’t stream anything.) And HWMMS has a hard on for me to actually WATCH DAREDEVIL instead of exist in the same room while he watches it…especially since we just finished the series Iron Fist and he said Daredevil is so much better. Also, my boy Shane is in it.
So, Daredevil. Fine.
As soon as I heard the first few notes of the theme song—-my mind went RIGHT BACK TO ANXIETY. It was so odd. I felt the feeling of endless stress and worry rush through me just like it was back in December JUST BY HEARING a theme song I heard over and over during that time.
Damn the mind is a powerful thing. And what a connection. Somehow my feeling of anxiety attached to a memory of a song…to the point where I could remember the exact feeling at the time.
I’ve dabbled in some research over cellular memory and negative emotions over the last few months sparked by meeting a lovely elderly doctor who was looking to sell her homestead. Turns out I wasn’t meant to sell her home—but she was meant to find her way to me for a reason. And because of her recommendations and advice. I’m slowly working though the book Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy. Powerful stuff let me tell you.
Perhaps this is why I noticed so quickly the physical response I had to that song. I’m paying attention.
How often in life have I not paid attention? What if I didn’t make that connection and suddenly embraced that feeling of anxiety as something in the present? Most likely it wouldn’t have occurred to me at all and i would start ruminating over the fact that I was feeling stressed—–FOR NO REASON but a memory. Crazy to think, eh?
Because of this realization in the moment, I was able to move the emotion aside.
Anxiety did not win me over, that time.