Mental Health IS Physical Health


Depression, Health & Wellness

I just saw this sentence come through on Twitter: Is mental health just as important as physical health? Mental Health IS Physical Health.  I don’t understand. The brain is a part of the physical body, right? Why have we not moved past this already? This should not be a conversation. It should just BE. If […]

November 5, 2017

Mental Health Screening Tools


Depression, Health & Wellness

Mental Health Screening Tools Oy vey. Despite knowing what my results would be today, because it’s been a rough few weeks. I took this depression screen test that I saw come through the Mental Health Association of Erie County Facebook feed. Same one you get at a doctor’s office, the questions are familiar and ingrained in […]

September 6, 2017

Health Reminder


Depression, Health & Wellness, Mind and Spirit

Health. Ugh. This. Hit. Hard. Today. I’ve had a VERY BAD week. Monday was the worst. Bottom crawling, called doctor to make appointment. Tuesday/Wednesday I slept a lot. A lot, a lot. Naps after work that really just meant going to bed at dinnertime and waking up to play on Twitter before sleeping again. Today? […]

August 31, 2017

Weird


Depression, Family, Personal

I feel really weird right now. Last night I was bubbly and filled with possibility, a million ideas for my friend’s theater company. I had a great day of work. Did a wee bit of writing. Went to bed late with a head full of thoughts. So this morning I wake up, my normal BLAH. […]

April 25, 2017

Unnamed


Depression, Personal

Unnamed. First of all I think the rehab/nursing facility my mother is in is one of the most depressing places on the planet. With that in mind, I write this post. (At least I came home and took the dogs for a short walk before getting on the computer. I needed to get a little […]

April 16, 2017

Tired


Depression, Personal

I’m so tired of being tired. I’m so tired of whining about being tired when other people have real problems. I’m so tired of having silly problems. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m a huge disappointment, to myself and others. I can’t imagine how I would be if I had any real issue to […]

April 15, 2017

Downward Spiral


Depression, Personal

Right now. In the midst of depression it’s hard to remember the feeling of “normal” which is why I find blogging about these things so beneficial for me—-when I look back at my words I try to learn and understand where I was and where I want to be heading in the future. Blogging in […]

April 4, 2017

Mirror, Mirror


Depression, Family, Health & Wellness, Personal

Mirror, Mirror. And Just Like That Off the Roller Coaster. I really hate myself sometimes. I start doing good things for myself and moving forward and then I hit a wall, get stuck in the muck and erase any forward progress. it happens all the time. It happens with healthy eating, healthy habits, writing…you name […]

April 2, 2017

No Foolin’ This is Depression


Depression, Personal

No Foolin’ This is Depression My head hurts. Is it really already time to get up? What’s the point? Where the hell did this depression come from? Why won’t it go away? What’s wrong with me? Why am I so tired? It’s only two o’clock? Really? Get your ass moving, you’re pathetic. I should do […]

April 1, 2017

The Universe


Depression, Personal

The UNIVERSE is a fickle mistress. As usual, especially lately, I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning to start the day. On the way to taking Harley to his vet appointment I saw this pretty wee little sign of yellow happiness peeking out at me in the strawberry patch. DAFFODILS ARE MY […]

March 30, 2017

Lessons


Depression, Family, Mind and Spirit, Music, Personal, Synchronicities

If there’s one lesson I’ve learned this year during my MeMyselfI journey, it’s been to LISTEN and GO WITH THE FLOW. Yesterday, I visited my mom at the nursing home. I wasn’t there for more than a few minutes before I felt physically sick. Headache return, wanting to vomit. I’m just a pile of a […]

March 28, 2017

THIS is What Depression Really Looks Like


Depression, Health & Wellness, Personal

Depression. My friend just shared this link and as I read and scrolled through each photo, I started to cry and cry. This Is What Depression Really Looks Like But of course, people experiencing depression, anxiety, and many other mental illnesses often look exactly like somebody who isn’t, as we found when we gathered stories and […]

March 18, 2015

Giving Up Depression for Lent


Depression, Personal

Giving Up Depression for Lent…seems to be FINALLY working. Either that, or the Zoloft has kicked in again. Oh yeah and the sun has started to shine and the fresh air smells amazing. I’ve had several NORMAL days in a row this week. Thank God. It always feels so distant and unreal on the other […]

March 12, 2015

Depression


Depression, Personal

While I don’t wish the ills of Depression on ANYONE, I wish people could understand what it really was like deep down inside… It’s not JUST being sad over life events. It’s not JUST Seasonal Affective Disorder due to the endless cold and winter. It’s not JUST the let down after a fun-filled Holiday Season. […]

March 7, 2015

DEPRESSION SUCKS.


Depression, Health & Wellness

DEPRESSION SUCKS. I WISH PEOPLE UNDERSTOOD THE DIFFERENCE between being sad over stuff and clinical depression. Dealing with both at the same time, sucks. Physically not being able to get out of bed and feeling like not existing—not the same as being sad over stuff. It’s not just people I loved died. It’s not just […]

February 21, 2015

Big D


Depression

Just a cyclical element of my genetic charm. Ah, Big D. You come and you go and always come back. Tis not the weather I love Winter! And once I’m outside I’m happy as a little kid on a snowday. I know the cure, get the hell out of bed! But, but…my bed is soooooo […]

January 8, 2010

Whine


Depression, Personal

“I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.” -e e cummings I’ve decided I should never have kids. Why?…because mornings like this morning? Make me want to stay in bed all day. 1. I want to stay in bed all day because of the amazingly gorgeous […]

September 12, 2007

Unholy Ghost: Writers on Depression


Books, Depression

Passages from Unholy Ghost: Writers on Depression From “A Delicious Placebo” by Virginia Hefferman I would say I was sick- sick with any ailment I could think of except “depression,” which no one, no matter what the brochures with grainy girls’ pictures and the word “reputable” say, will ever believe it is a real illness. […]

September 3, 2006

99.9% of the time


Depression, Health & Wellness, Personal

I LOVE my work area. The reception lobby in my building is spacious and bright and full of walls of windows on my left and right and above with the very nice skylight. That certain 1% of the time that I have a splitting sinusy/migranish headache all morning and stayed in my dark room under […]

March 15, 2006

Depression, UGH.


Depression, Personal

Ok…so when the fuck am I supposed to start feeling better already? I gave in. I relinquished control. I admitted my *illness* (ugh…) is beyond me and I need help to get past this…I am taking the GD anti-depressants. (Ok, only for a little over 2 weeks.) But I am not feeling better. No in […]

September 27, 2004

Umph.


Depression, Personal

I don’t get it. I really don’t. Yesterday, I spent time with a dear friend. Good talks. Tough times. I came home to a raging headache. Sinus pressure like, but getting worse by the second with the sun…as soon as I could, I took a nap to sleep it off… Today? I sleep in. Get […]

September 21, 2004

I feel…


Depression, Personal

abandoned, abnormal, achy, aggravated, agitated, alienated, alone, amused, angry, angsty, antisocial, apathetic, apologetic, ashamed, awful, awkward, bad, baffled, beat, befuddled, belittled, bittersweet, blah, blank, blind, bold, bonkers, bothered, brain-dead, breathless, broken, broken-hearted, bruised, bummed, callous, changed, clueless, cocky, cold, complacent, conflicted, confused, confuzzled, crappy, crazy, crestfallen, cruel, crummy, crushed, cursed, cynical, damned, dandy, dangerous, dark, […]

September 16, 2004

All of my life, I’ve been looking…


Depression

All of my life, I’ve been looking… But it’s hard to find the way Reaching past the goal in front of me While what’s important just slips away It doesn’t come back but I’ll be looking All of my life The fun part of…depression to me, is the nothingness. The *where the hell did last […]

September 13, 2004

Styrofoam Depression Manifesto (Initial Draft)


Depression, Personal

I found myself writing these thoughts a few hours ago…I thought I would share. Word for word rambling thoughts from my journal…And, no it doesn’t HAVE to make sense, the fact that I wrote anything at all surprised the hell out of me. I am beating myself up again- beat me senseless. Everything about me, […]

August 27, 2004

Notes on Depression


Depression

Flights of fancy, mercurial moodiness, brilliance, visionary imagination, brooding, morbidity, despair, sensuality, mutability all are aspects of bipolarity. Once upon a time, I thought this was me. I realized I am just a normal person with the big D and well, moments of moodiness. My moods would LEAP from moment to moment though, not stay […]

May 16, 2004

My selective high functioning self


Depression, Personal

  1. Dart Playing and massive apartment hunting on Saturday that turned into wine bottle at new Cafe and making new gay boyfriends while commiserating over the lack of spectacular apartments… 2. Penguin Days on Sunday with Bren, Steph, Erin and my baby girl Jessica…(ADORE THIS CHILD, she was the first baby, wee little baby […]

March 31, 2004