I actually said out loud…by my own accord…the term *F-Bomb* when referring to John Kerry and the Rolling Stone article.

I, Jen Smith, PottyMouthCloseTalker said *F Bomb* as opposed to Fuck. And we all know how freely this word can flow from my virginal vocabulary.

That man has a strange kind-a hold on me Mr. Kind Handsome & Proper. Alas.

A long blogger ahead…as long as my girls are still behaving, it is 4:30 and not a creature is stirring. Wait, let me check once more. Yep. Silent night. But last night, which was also a Silent Night turned into a Un-Holy Morn. A fight erupted over one of the girls throwing yogurt at another during breakfast: a half-gallon of milk and 1000 *F-Bombs* and threats later, a war had begun. Two cottage staff, three restraints, 8 girls not listening to directives to go to their rooms, 5 school crisis staff called by Jen’s cell phone, a broken Christmas tree and dining room chair, and a hallway full of dairy products later…all was calm and all was bright. God, I LOVE my job! That one hour of madness equaled at least 2 days of work for most people.

My girls make me sad. I remember a time three years ago, when I was able to bake cookies overnight for the girls and we decorated them together. No longer. I must be vigilant and in the hall most of the evening. (The historically funny part of this story was that I brought the cookie supplies to Canada, by accident, eh…during the millennium Y2K scare and frisked by custom agents who wanted to know “What was in the bag” Uh, you know, flour, sugar, the usual stuff one declares. Yeah. Fun times.)

However, my damn (ahem, darn—Note to J.M. “You know you love it when I curse, admit it…say that again?” ) Bleeding Heart Conservative Self could not fall asleep last night before work, planning on what I wanted to do for the girls next week since it was my last week before JENS BIG 2 WEEK CHRISTMAS-30th BIRTHDAY VACATION…gotta love that bleeeeeeeing heart. Grrrrr.

On to something else:

Let it snow? Why did we not get the snow last weekend. To round out my already crappydepressed mood we missed the BIG SNOWSTORM. I watched the weather channel in envy, oh to be in Boston, or NYC. Since I am planning THIS weekend to full of holiday joy and merriment. I’m certain the big fluffy happy snowflakes will not fall. The weekend after that? When I will be traveling to visit friends, by car. BAM! Snowstorm. I bet I bet I bet…as long as I am stranded in Washington, all will be well. Anywhere else on the turnpike? Breezewood Land of Motels? Not so fun.

But THIS weekend! Wooooooo Hoo! Golly gee, there is a Santa Jen.

I’m doing the Holiday Stroll down Elmwood Village Friday evening, twinkle lights, fabulous shops, wool hat and mittens, many yummy coffees and cocoas and chai teas along the way and CARRIAGE RIDES. Too fun! Saturday is all about me. Baking the 27 brands of cookies to share, and finishing off Christmas Cards and other presents. Methinks, the Albright-Knox Gallery is hosting the champagne Saturday with crafters in the lobby and specials at the gift shop. Afterwards, many cheerfully loud Christmas Songs to sing and scare my cats with, and perhaps a bottle of Christmas Cheer??? (The quaint family term for Liquid Grapey Prozac to get us through the madness of the family get-together, oh how Auntie Carroll taught us well.) Perhaps two bottles of Christmas Cheer if Erin quits her piddly 4 hour per week mall job and joins in the festivus. (Ahem, no promotion of the quitting, I have no control over the premeditated actions of others, especially when there is a Jackdaw show downtown later that evening which starts at 10, talk about some Christmas Cheer…those boys are easy on the eyes.)

Wow. I’m everywhere! And Sunday. church. Advent. I have to go at least once, although I might end up praying in the alter of my bed after a long night of Jackdaw and Molson specials. (I am DYING for the “NICE MULLET” label!) And then there is the Christmas Cookie exchange…Yay for Christmas! I will be bringing Santa Hats for all.

Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?