Happy March! Day Three: Forgiveness

Forgiveness.

Ugh. This one didn’t blatantly come to me. I started thinking about it earlier this morning. Forgiveness. Hmmm. And then I started doing things and then my mom called and THEN I PICKED UP THE PHONE WHEN MY MOM CALLED and talked to her for over an hour. (I KNOW RIGHT? WHO AM I?)

And then I saw that Meesh tweeted her Day Three and before I clicked over to her link—the light bulb went off FORGIVENESS. MEMYSELFI2017!

Not a second later, I clicked her link and saw this.

Forgvi

Holy synchronicity! Meesh is one of my dearest and the two of us have been saying we need to get back writing, so when she found this March prompt challenge we both jumped with both feet. Little did I know we would both be on an eerily similar wavelength. (Yesterday, we both blogged about our puppies…)

But that’s not the POINT of this post. đŸ™‚

Forgiveness. Self forgiveness? Why did MeMyselfI pop in my head? What do I need to forgive myself for? Where is this thought going to go once i start typing?

And that’s where the quote on the top of this page appeared.

“Self-love is complete forgiveness, acceptance and respect for who you are deep down – all your beautiful and hideous parts included.”

Ding ding ding! SELF-LOVE IS COMPLETE FORGIVENESS ACCEPTANCE AND RESPECT FOR WHO YOU ARE DEEP DOWN.

My goodness, this is the exact message I needed to hear at the exact time.

It’s not as clear as “I’m mad at myself for (fill in the many blanks here.)”

For me, right now, in this very moment…it’s more about accepting who I am and moving FORWARD. A million twisty roads led me to the place I am today—-personally, professionally and spiritually. But for the first time, ever? (I hesitate to say ever because I know these moments ebb and flow)…but I truly think this might be the first time ever.

I’m listening…

Does that mean I need to deep down forgive myself for not always listening? Not necessarily. I’ve always believed things happen in the time they are supposed to happen in life. But I do need to leave guilt behind while moving forward.

And where does guilt come from? On the surface I never would imagine I need to “forgive” myself for anything…which is why I was surprised I so clearly had to write about MemyselfI today with this prompt, but I’m getting much better at stopping the questions and just going forward, hence this post…

I’m listening…

I might not think I need to FORGIVE myself but peel off one tender layer and I’m FILLED with guilt. Over so many things, unimportant—important—pointless. My mind circles and ruminates on autopilot over feeling guilty…

Obviously (well, now obviously after I started writing this out) I need to work on some deeper forgiveness of myself or else I wouldn’t feel guilty.

Example? With HWMMS going back to work—I’m feeling GUILTY that I wasn’t able to provide for our family on my own to give back to him all that he gave and shared with me the last few years. Where does this come from? HWMMS wanted and needed and always planned on going back to work full-time. Instead of being happy and grateful I find myself feeling guilty I didn’t do more, live up to something that ——is created in my head?

Who knew I needed to explore this issue. Well, someone did….likely MeMyselfI.

Day Two—can be found here.

March


Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?