It’s Not You, It’s Him: The Zero-Tolerance Approach to Dating

Jennifer Reads Em (And Makes Fun Of Them) So You Don’t Have To!

The 3rd book completed…go here to see Review #2 *The List: 7 Ways to Tell if He’s Going to Marry You in 30 Days or Less*

It’s Not You, It’s Him: The Zero-Tolerance Approach to Dating

“You are smart and cute and fun to be around so naturally you wonder why you are still single. Well here’s a news flash-It’s not you. It’s him!”

Wow. Give it up already. Sometimes it is you. Get over your cocky self. That was my initial thought.

“All you need is one. And he will fall in love with you as you are. To him you will be perfectly lovable…The truth is there is someone for everyone and eventually every one of us will find our prince. And we don’t need to change who we are to make that dream come true. We do, however, need to change how we date, how we see men and most of all how we see ourselves.”

Right on sister! Now that makes more sense…so what was up with the title and opening catch? Ick.

Think of what your happily married friends told you when they met the one..
*It’s like we speak the same language*
*I’m so comfortable with him*
*He really gets me*
*He likes me just the way I am*

Yeah, yeah…yeah. Go on. I see a pattern here.

“Decide what you want before your next relationship. I’m not suggesting a list. You are dating people not adjectives. I am suggesting a lot of self-knowledge, the more the better. If you really want a fun time with no strings attached, fine, go for it. But if your looking for a serious contender for Mr. Right- you have to know what is right for you.”

Exactly! Wait, this book is making sense, in that HELLO! OF COURSE! kind of way that a woman should NOT need to buy a book to figure out. Where are her friends????

“Sometimes the only thing wrong with a perfect man- the one who matches everything on your list- is that he doesn’t want to marry you. But that is the biggest imperfection of all. If he’s not ready to be with you, then he is not the perfect guy. Not now. Maybe not ever. Don’t wait. Don’t try to change his mind. Let him go. You need to spend your time looking for someone who thinks your perfectly lovable and ready to commit to you.”

God, this is heartbreaking. I vividly remember the day I called my Ex and told him I couldn’t do it anymore. I really, truly believe (present tense) that in time, we could have been amazing. Despite the flaws, the things everyone else warned me about. I KNEW they would get better in time. But as time passed…I needed more. I needed the affection, the love, the commitment. And he didn’t have the time to spend with me to make that happen. And so I said, with many tears. Goodbye. I didn’t need a ring. I just needed MORE. Something. Anything. Him. More. I never once doubted that he loved me dearly, but he didn’t love me how I needed to be loved. Let him go.

“No excuse for abuse…Our psyches cannot tolerate constant criticism, guilt trips, mind reading, bullying, double messages or teasing. ALWAYS listen to your intuition.”

Yep. Of course.

“Find one lovable person who finds you lovable in return. It’s a numbers game. It’s about timing. It’s about self-respect, knowing when it is not you, then what to do. When to have fun and when to run. When to meet him 1/2 way and when to say no way.”

These things are all so obvious…except when YOU are the one in the relationship that isn’t what you want it to be….trust me on that one.

“Love him. The more you love, the more love will grow. If it isn’t appreciated and reciprocated find someone you will love your love.”

Sigh…

“How do you know if you really love him or are just happy to be loved?” Soulmates live in the same psychological world have similar attitudes- family, friends, God, pets, weekends, money, board games, food, music, sex, movies, some of the above all of the above. The ARMPIT test. When you are sitting together with his arm around you and your head is on his shoulder- just listening to him talk, does what he say make you want to stay there right there forever? If the answer is yes, you’ve probably found a soulmate and your love for him will grow.”

After I broke up with the ex, I had a wonderful, blissful weekend of sweetness and romance with a *friend* of mine. Affection abounding. All the things I wanted the EX to give me…I woke up in this mans arms, more than once. I had a hard time sleeping. I wasn’t used to the idea that he wanted to be holding me all night. And in fact, it freaked me out. Not because he wasn’t wonderful mind you…I just wasn’t used to someone treating me in this manner. The man I ended up with for the next few months was NOTHING like this at all…so I never thought about having a wonderful man cuddle with me all night really. I just thought it was odd, that when I found someone who did, I panicked. Oh to be a Jen(nifer) ANYHOW. After my first night with Mark? I actually SAID OUT LOUD to my friends, despite myself…”When he held me in his arms I wanted to stay there forever.” Mind you this was the FIRST TIME  I never knew how lovely this would feel.

And then…the book takes a serious turn for AWFUL

Chapter 16: How To Make Him More Perfect For You.

Huh???? All this common sense tough love and then this kind of crap???? I didn’t even BOTHER reading anymore. The end.


Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?