Sometimes, instead of talking to my Magic 8 Ball to answer all my important life questions.
I ask Magic iTunes player.
The game goes something like this.
“Magic iTunes player, give me a song to tell me what I should be thinking about **enter subject here**”
Lets, for shits and giggles use, um, and I am just throwing this one out of nowhere, **ex-boyfriend who lives in Virginia who I still love against my better judgment**as an example.
Then you press NEXT on the shuffle button.
And Lo! Look what song appears!!!
“Gethsemane (I Only Want To Say)” from Jesus Christ Superstar
“Then I was inspired Now I’m sad and tired After all I’ve tried for three years, seems like ninety Why then am I scared to finish what I started What you started — I didn’t start it God thy will is hard But you hold every card I will drink your cup of poison, Nail me to the cross and break me Bleed me, beat me, kill me Take me now Before I change my mind “
Ok. I get it. Thank you magic iTunes. Fun little game, no?
Update: Grrrr iTunes really hates me.
“Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain and Tennille came on next.
(Hey YOU, I know you are reading…did I end up putting this song on one of my mix Cd’s for you? Or did I keep it to myself?)
Cheezy song. I know…but until I met JOHN. I couldn’t listen to this song without crying.
The song was a little Jenny hanging in the barn with her daddy song. I have a VIVID memory of sitting in the barn “shooting the shit” with my dad while he was doing the chores, listening to this song on the old school, cobwebbed covered, rusty-orangybrown barn radio tucked up on top of the far corner of the rabbit cages. Well out of reach for a youngster with pigtails, freckles and dirty, skinned knees like me. (So he thought, I could climb you know.) I remember sitting on one of the overturned water buckets. (White one for clean water, black one for dirty water) And hearing this song.
And every time I’ve heard it since, it makes me miss my daddy. Miss the relationship that the little Jenny craved having, and never got the chance.
Until I met John. I heard the song. And heard a silly love song instead. And smiled thinking about the memory, instead of crying.
“Love will keep us together
Said it before and I’ll say it again while others pretend
I’ll need you now and I’ll need you then…”
And I guess that still is a good thing. With or without him.
And I just screamed out loud, “Fuck you iTunes” because the next freaking song?
“Bleed a Little While” by Lowest of the Low.
I only asked for ONE song iTunes. ONE SONG.
“I’d forget about you, if I could dare, but I just want to make love to you in some dark rainy street somewhere.”
Blame the mood on Romeo and Juliet. I went to Shakespeare in the Park last night (more on that later.)
The next song?
“Boston and St. John’s” Great Big Sea.
MAKE IT END! (Oh yeah, turn it off, tis within my control, I like the pain.)