My thoughts, I confess turn to…

Dating, Personal / Wednesday, November 19th, 2003

Jen, uncensored. Begin.

My thoughts, I confess turn to…dirty.

My God. If men think about sex more then women…how? Just how morning-noon-night? And I am defining the term *sex* broadly…happy falling in love and first kisses and preppy glasses encounters and cuddling counts as well. Perhaps that creative imagination of mine is just overworked. Perhaps I need to explore more viable options to complete my temptations?  I don’t know. But I’m tired just thinking about it. Coffee anyone? Perhaps it is my age and there really is a *peak* or perhaps it is because I wasted most of my 20’s with an asexual male prototype. (Went there, don’t care, that kind of mood.)

My thoughts, I confess turn to…conflicted.

Specific topic of conflicting (is that a word?)

My serious attraction to over-achiever types. Sooooooooo attracted to men who are strong and driven and passionate and intense and intelligent and serious but still able to have fun, (BTW-I did go back and fix that split infinitive, for anyone who cares…) attracted to a fault. (You know, the opposite of who I am, but deep inside I could be.) And in the meantime, it makes for a potentially lonely existence. A Jen needs a lot of attention. Yet, a Jen wants attention from men who are least likely to find the most time to give. Ack! Yet, over the past year of re-discovering the dating world of men, this type wins out, at least in my head and heart. Fair? You tell me.

The other type of Jen guy, the charming best-friend, drinking buddy tacklemetotheground, witty, smart guy…are they strong enough to keep up with me? Am I too much? I know I am not capable of taming down, much. I need to find someone willing to put up with the madness…and I suppose there is a reason why I have been attracted to a string of these friend fellas over the years…and nothing has developed. Right? And there is a reason why my ACTUAL first high school love, and my non-boyfriend-companion-boyfriend for 5 years, and my latest desire are all the other type.

Is there a middle ground I am missing somewhere?

Oh yeah, that creative-writer-musician-tortured soul-long hair-crunchy type. Alas. Pure lust. A combination of many things. However, so doubtful I could end up with a man like this. Two equally unstable passionate narcissistic souls? Not likely, however fun for a night perhaps.

Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?