Disclaimer: I’m cranky and grumpy and fat and sweaty and PMSy and all kinds of hate summery and lack of caffeine headachy. Continue on at your own risk.
Gee, do I have anything left to say?
I’m at a point where I hate myself right now. My large, obese, apple shaped body and I are not friends anymore. I’m hating this weather most likely because I’m huge and carrying around 100 pounds of extra weight. No wonder I’m so freaking miserable! I’ve been treating my body poorly and eating out WAY TOO MUCH. No excuse since I have my new place set up and good food stored in the fridge from the Co-op and Farmers Market. I have a pantry cabinet waiting for me to get off my lazy ass and build it sitting in my front room. Once I get that together, I can stock up on the basics once again and make dinners at home. Instead, I sit here looking at the pantry and blog about it instead.
I feel completely unhealthy and SO SICK of being so heavy and miserable and cranky. It’s like every depressed molecule in my body is stored in my fat, fat middle and if I could only get rid of the middle…I would start having energy and happiness and smiles.
Of course the weather has to change too in order for me to smile. God I hate it when it’s over 80 degrees. I’m just not a fan of heat. My electric bill for this month is proof, eegads! All I have is an inefficient window unit in the bedroom which creates a respite for the grump and gives me the ability to sleep at night and man…it is costing me $$$! And here I thought I was on a good path of redemption by starting to pay back people I owe money this month. After opening my electric bill, I should have started paying back a little less…
On a POSITIVE NOTE in the midst of super agitated Jenness I have been very diligent about eating healthy healthier today. Special K with one percent organic milk with a banana . (Ok, won’t lie TWO BOWLS.) Ground turkey with green onions. Tomato/Basil/Mozzarella and two ears of corn. Vitamins. Water—but not nearly enough. And no coffee, which is why my head is likely still in a dull ache mode, I thought more water would make it go away, but no luck so far.
The real problem is getting myself moving. I have no energy and no desire to go out and walk in the summertime. I have walked occasionally to and or from work about 30 minutes a day but it is not even close to nearly enough. I need more. And I lack the motivation.
But I have to do something. I can’t stand myself lately.