Personal / Wednesday, July 20th, 2005

I have been working on developing the many, many rolls of film that I have been collecting for years now. I was down to my last two. I was *somewhat* afraid that my last rolls were ones from that last Christmas with my Uncle Bill a few years ago. I wasn’t prepared to see those pictures. Actually, I was almost certain that I left the photography to other family members that year, but I wasn’t sure…My fingers were crossed.

Oh boy. I got what I asked for. No sad pictures of Uncle Bill in his last days with us…

INSTEAD. The first picture was Me. And the ex. The one I was “with” from 1997-2002 (sounds like a death notice, eh? yep, for a reason!) Celebrating Hanukkah/Christmas. A good day. Many happy pictures. That Christmas my brother and his then girlfriend came over on the 23rd and we had a drunken celebration of food and presents. One of my most favorite memories…and now I have the pictures…grrrr.

Of course the second roll? From my birthday and New Years Eve. Same year. ONLY THIS TIME I get to see happy photos of the ex-friend/roommate and AND the ex-friend who married my ex (pictured above) OH AND EVEN better? If you are still following? The ex-boyfriend of the ex-friend who married my ex-boyfriend? yeah we have a picture of HIM too.

There are ONLY 3 people who are no longer friends of mine from my past. My ex boyfriend. My ex-friend/sorority sister (his wife) and my ex-roomie who was in their wedding. And I got pictures of all of them sent to me last night. SMACK! A Jen who continues friendships FAR past the breaking point…I was that person just 4 short years ago. Better off now? Most likely. I no longer am enabling a group of people who *cared* for me on the outside, but never gave back in return. The sad truth is, I don’t like that I have EX people in my life. It confuses me. I have done nothing but been a friend and wished them the best that I could. it just got *too weird* and much easier for me to be eliminated than to deal with the weirdness. And I still have a problem with that. I gave *too* much. And even last summer when I ran into them at a Jackdaw show, I talked with them like no time had passed. Caught up with friends. But of course, that was that. No more communication needed on their behalf. šŸ™

And this makes me sad, occasionally. On days I get long, lost film. Most definitely.


Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?