Are there words to describeare?
I’ve been wrangling these feelings for a while now…my soul is SCREAMING one thing and my mindtelling me another. The fact remains, when I hear news that a friend is having a baby…all I can think of is needing one of my own. Not want, need. I can’t really deny the gut reaction and the tears, I mean I CAN deny, but how much longer?
My life needs to be in place a little more, yes. I know. I need to cut out some of the community and focus more on ME and family. Yes, I know. But actually? For the first time? When I did thisyesterday…my answer to “What do you want to do when you grow up?” was “have babies.”
I finished the book “Creating a Life Worth Living” this weekend and one of the chapters asked you to dream big and sketch three different life paths…career wise. My first one was “Stay at Home Mom” with freelancing and/or flexible development job. How scary is that? My second path combines with all the other paths, which is to freelance and sell many novels/short stories/memoirs. 🙂 And my 3rd path is not as *likely* because I’m at absolute maximum capacity for student loan debt that a person can have…but I would love to be a teacher. Of course, being a parent is being a teacher every day, as Dayna so beautifully reminds me of all the time.
I can’t tell you what an incredible feeling it is to know that my three *dream* paths are well within my reality and intersect and any given time.
Geez, this is even a HUGE step from LAST YEAR at this time…so I know I’m moving in the right direction. Now I need to learn to quiet my life and be more patient and inward focused.
Who knows what next year will bring?