Sad

Where does it come from? I gotta admit it, I’ve been more sad this week over Mark than I’ve been in months. I’m certain it’s coupled with missing my Gma and loss in general and an extra tough session at the wizard this week knowing we were having our belated Family Christmas, without Gma.

Sigh…

Anyhow. I’ve been cleaning around the house preparing for my roomies to move in this afternoon (another very real step in the no longer living with the future intended…) Cleaning the common areas and FINALLY getting all my crap out of the master bedroom. Bah.

And I’m generally not thinking about anything. Just watching the clock and super thankful that the roomies aren’t moving in the morning and I have a few hours to get everything organized, can you say procrastination?

Listening to happy music. Mixes from a happier time. (Actually one of the first mixes I made for my ex John in D.C. when he still hadn’t sent me a picture of himself. “Strike a Pose.” I was super proud of my work on that CD.

I’m listening, re-listening to songs, cleaning organizing stacking piles and piles of clothes on my bed and boxes in the corner of my new bedroom. And then I put in my happy *Country Girls Mix pt. 2* and I’m singing along and life is good and everything is fine.

Until about 8 songs in Faith Hill comes on with “You Give Me Love”

And I find myself on my hands and knees washing the floor, smell of Murphy’s Oil Soap in the air…BAWLING. Out of nowhere. The tears just flow and flow. Mind you the song means NOTHING to me. I don’t even think I’ve heard the damn song in years. But there I was crying…and missing him.

Dammit.

You turn around
Then you ask me behind tears of doubt
Just what do I see in you
Please don’t cry
I know sometimes it seems we barely get by
But you don’t see how much you do
To get me through

When the world is cold

And I need a friend to hold
You give me love
You give me love
And when my hope is gone
And I feel I cant go on
You pick me up
You give me love
You give me love

I apologize
If I never told you what you are in my eyes
Oh baby, let me tell you now
Every day
Looks sweeter knowing you’ll be there in every way
Now how can you say that’s not enough…

Moving on.


Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?