I’m going to pretend that there’s just some odd disturbance in the force that is causing whatever the heck this funk I found myself in today. This week.
I need to get to a center. I had a good work week this week, but it was not my own personal work. Monday I was inspired and on fire and was all ready to jump in and do all the things and get organized and knock it out of the park—-and now here I am Friday night. Same place as Monday, but without the mojo.
Spiritually, nothing. I’m a void. No synchronicity, no meditation. Last night while lying in bed browsing something on the phone, the windows were open and it felt SO GOOD. And the entire time I was having an odd feeling of déjà vu. Which is laughable because, hello, window open and fresh air in Spring? Yeah it happens every year idiot.
Some angry little Jenny crawled inside me the last two days and is just not allowing me to get back to center. Not that I ever found center, I was on my way and then mom got in the accident and I think I have made that the focus of all the things. The cord is GONE and BROKEN solid. Mom hardly has been messaging me let alone me needing to feel sad or bad or mad for her. I think having her in my life every day for six weeks and now, nothing, well, that is getting to me too somehow. Who’da thunk it, right?
Oh wait. I remember I was browsing through pages and pages of pretty spring dresses last night and this morning while in bed. Why I am sharing this, no idea. I didn’t order any of them, so yeah.
AND it occurred to me—fleeting thought in my head a few sentences back that when I was talking about angry Jenny, I have been taking those artificial water pills to reduce bloating again. They make me less bloated, they make me pee a lot (and I don’t even take them as stated, I do less.) And they make my pee smell fake and funky. And maybe they make me moody? For some reason all I want to say when I am writing about it is fake fake fake. Hmmmm. Perhaps my body is trying to tell me there’s a good healthy way to get rid of bloat, called vegetables. Sort of like that seed of intention I posted during the new moon?
Nyah, that’s crazy talk.
I also ordered out pizza and subs after I knew I shouldn’t. And the “sign” I asked for said not to. But I did.