The List: 7 Ways to Tell if He’s Going to Marry You in 30 Days or Less

Books, Dating / Monday, February 13th, 2006

Jennifer Reads Em (And Makes Fun Of Them) So You Don’t Have To!

The List: 7 Ways to Tell if He’s Going to Marry You in 30 Days or Less

Yeah. I started this book a few weeks ago when I was at B&N with my roomie and Mark.

30 days of LESS? Oh boy. THIS one is rather ambitious, no?

“Single men are hereby put on notice- only the strong shall survive. Welcome to THE LIST revolution ladies. From this point on, your life will never be the same. Women all over the country are telling men “I’m sorry (fill in the blank) but you waited 3 days to call me. I’m not interested.” It’s time to put the onus back where it belongs: squarely on a man’s strong shoulders. Stop wasting your time with men who are not going to marry you.”

Um, ok. Sure. I guess if the only thing that matters to you is finding a HUSBAND in 30 days or less, this book IS FOR YOU! Um, there are women out there like this. I know. I am quite glad I have never been considered one of them! Carry on…(this ride is fun)

“Pay attention-we’re telling you something about men that they don’t even know about themselves- there is an alarm built into every man that he doesn’t even know exists. When a man meets the woman he is going to marry, the alarm sounds loudly. To secure her heart and hand he will do these 7 things…”

1. Makes the 1st move
2. Calls you in 24/48 hours for the 1st date
3. Makes the 1st date easy and fun
4. Calls you 24 hours after for the next date
5. Talks to you every day and wants to spend all his free time with you.
6. Demonstrates unconditional loyalty
7. Talks about marrying you in concrete terms and proposed- OR lets you know his intentions.

Mind you this is within 30 days. 30 DAYS? Oh yes. 30 days. At this point I am already ruined and found out that I am never going to marry Mark cause I contacted him first. WHAT A RELIEF! I mean now I know!


“Focus your attention on the only thing that you can control- how you will react when you don’t sound the alarm. If you have sounded the alarm you won’t fear for your time line and bring up any questions.”

Hmmm. I understand I think. Sort of like trusting your gut. THE SECRET VOICE THAT YOU DON’T TELL YOURSELF OR OTHERS ABOUT. You know the one…the one that told me that my ex “deep down inside wasn’t going to be able to give me what I need.” But I ignored this vehemently. Until I reread it one day, a year or so later…and then made sure I sent it out to my friends so they would keep me in check too. Of course I still didn’t listen to me (via them) because no one can make ANYONE think otherwise until they are ready. And the Ex? Was the first and ONLY person I even ALLOWED to imagine a future with. And to me, that was a big deal. And worth trying…until it wasn’t. He couldn’t say I love you. I felt like I needed to ask him questions about *us* nothing was easy. And from what everyone I know says…when you find the one *set off his alarm* suddenly everything is easy. I like that idea. And for once in my life, I am beginning to understand it.

“You will desperately try to find something, anything wrong with him. Why because after years of being conditioned that love should be hard work you will have a hard time abandoning the games and just letting somebody love you.”

Yep. I agree. Make up excuses, anything, something. Why would he want me? At this point I had to look at the things I NEED TO BE HAPPY IN A RELATIONSHIP. And then I figure. Wait. This IS good. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG. Sigh…

“Open your heart to love and it will find you. You only have to work at being your own true *stripped down* self to find the fairy tale. Its the you in your bedroom at night reading a book, or the you singing showtunes in the shower and planning your day.”

Yep. It sure is.

NOW let us go to THE LIST

1. Makes the 1st move
“It is not going out on a limb here to say that without very few exceptions if you approach a man first, you will not marry him.”

Well, I guess that’s that! But what if he wasn’t LOOKING for me in Buffalo? DOESN’T MATTER ACCORDING TO THIS BOOK! “E-mail doesn’t count” Um, now wait a second what about INTERNET DATING. NOPE the book goes on to discuss internet dating and says…

“NEVER email a man first. If there is a List guy out there in cyberspace, he will approach you. If you review his email, picture and profile and you think he has potential send him an email that says *Thanks for the email. My number is 555-1342. Look forward to hearing from you*”


2. Calls you in 24/48 hours for the 1st date
“The only think you need to accomplish on the date is to have fun and go with the flow. Above all, be yourself. If you are outgoing. be outgoing. If you are reserved. Be reserved…Many of the happily married couples say their 1st date seemed *never ending*”

Ok, that makes sense. I know this feeling. Actually, if my first date doesn’t feel (or isn’t never ending) then I find it wasn’t a good one! But then again, I am not a shy person by any sense of the word and if a man gets through a long date with me and still wants to see me again, he is already aware of who I am 🙂 I wouldn’t have me any other way.

3. Makes the 1st date easy and fun
“If a man wants you to fit into a schedule of happy hours with co-workers, attending friends parties- he’s maybe more interested in being part of a couple than in getting married…It’s dangerous when women entwine their social lives with a man this early in The List. Women who merge their social lives with men too early are depriving themselves of being wooed. The 1st 30 days are cocooning time.”

4. Calls you 24 hours after for the next date
“If a man calls after the deadline say *You know (insert name here)…after I go out with a guy on a date I expect him to call me right away and ask me out again. I only go out with guys who really pursue me, and I can tell this is they call within a couple of days.* Even if he offers a complete contrition for not calling, he still has just missed an item on The List and it will be highly unlikely this will be the man you marry.”

Wow! The only thing I agree with here is, well, just go with your heart. I have pretty much always felt comfortable enough after one of my first/second never ending dates to call the man up or email him right away to tell him I had a nice time.

I cannot imagine ANYONE saying that direct quote about *not calling* HOW INSANE!!! If you are really looking for *The One* and not just *ANYONE* I do not think ANY OF THESE RULES APPLY. Of course, they all make sense if you are looking for ANYONE to marry you.

And on a different note.

“If he tries to make you feel stupid, in any way, brush him off.”

I have been here too. With a perfect man on paper. On paper. But man oh man he had a way of making me feel small. And pretty much told me I was stupid for, well, being who I am. Bad bad bad bad bad sign. And after meeting twice. It had to be over. I couldn’t take it. I have been there before, with someone who didn’t respect all of me, and ended up dating/not dating him for 5 years. I am no longer that person. And even with similar outlook on life, no one should make you feel small. EVER. Bye-bye.

5. He wants to spend all his free time with you.
“By this point you won’t feel like you are dating. You will feel something very easy and different. When you ask happily married people about how their courtship progressed they will get a bit fuzzy. The key is that all of this happens so quickly and is barely noticeable. It is the most natural thing in the world.”

I do understand the concept behind JUST being a COUPLE and wanting SOMEONE and being with *The ONE* but again, this is all supposed to happen within 30 days? I mean I prefer making sure I have a life and keep social engagements with other people! And I would HOPE MY BOYFRIEND WOULD TOO!

Oh and a word on long distance relationships…

“Long distance relationships offer a compelling reason for a man to act. because of this he will probably propose faster. Whether you meet a man who is 50 or 1500 miles away somebody is going to have to move. And you can’t move without a ring on your finger.”

I have said, since I started dating for real a few years ago, that I can pick up and go anywhere for anyone if he was the right one. And I thought I meant it. And then I met my Ex. Who lived in D.C. and who could have easily helped to pay for me to live in D.C. to be together. And I was TERRIFIED. The same ex and I had a chance last year to be in NYC at the same time, although we weren’t back *together* and the thought excited and scared the hell out of me. And now? I find myself with someone who I am just planning on being with. No talks, no terror. Just throwing apartment options in his city and my city out there every few days. Nothing to think about. It just is. And it is good. And totally unexpected! In the best way possible of course!!! (Again, anyone have a job available for a handsome artist?)

However the ring is another thing. I never imagined living with someone before I got engaged/married. I mean sharing a bed day in and day out, finances, etc. Call me old-fashioned? I dunno. I have many friends who are happily married who lived together first. I also know of people who lived together and shared a life and broke up. Personally, if I am at a point that I am going to move in with someone, that someone damn well better be someone I imagine the rest of my life with. Otherwise, I am just getting a male roommate. I would assume engagement would closely follow a joint living arrangement. But perhaps, that is just me.

6. Demonstrates unconditional loyalty
“By the time you have reached this point something magical has happened. The Fairy tale. You go to bed secure in his love for you and wake up in the morning felling the exact same way. Somehow without even realizing how it happened, you both know that you are getting married to each other…”

7. Talks about marrying you in concrete terms- OR lets you know his intentions.
“The only thing we know for sure is that if you have sounded a man’s alarm you will know where you stand with him in 30 days. After 30 days, he knows everything about you there is to know- he knows another 6 weeks or 6 months isn’t going to change a thing. Whether he thinks out loud or hears you blurt out loud something about marriage- a LIST man will feel comfy talking about marriage cause you have sounded the alarm. If you have reached this point and the subject of marriage has not come up easily- you need to walk away with grace and dignity. This is never an easy thing to do, but since you have only invested 30 days you can do it.”

CRAZY! It all makes sense, it really really really does UNTIL SHE PUTS IN THAT 30 DAYS CLAUSE! What do the men think about this ALARM THEORY? COMMENTS PLEASE

“Wrap up…remember it is so easy for months to turn into years. If you are with the wrong man your chances of meeting the right man are slim to none. You don’t have time to waste.”

My wrap up? I guess I am not a good judge of this book since I have never been in search of a man to MARRY. The first time I even considered a FUTURE with someone…I still only DREAMED about marriage. As in, I could really be with this person!!! And that was wholly by accident. Oops! This man is someone I can see a future with? How did that happen? Perhaps it was a time in my life, for once, where I was READY to consider someone other than myself.

I do know women who are/were looking for a husband. So maybe this theory is really excellent for those type of women? I mean I guess it makes sense. It is just so, so guerilla warfare! Follow your heart. Trust your intuition, listen to the doubts even when you don’t want to. A man worth marrying will fit into most of these categories, but not necessarily following this timeline. Or something. On to book #3 🙂

Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?