Things that make me go hmmmm…

Sigh…

Not sure why I have such an emotional heartstring connection to the DC Boy but I do. I think I always will, he’s just *that* person to me.

Last Summer, John was studying for a month or so in London. I vividly recall being asked to join him for a week (all expenses paid by him of course.) However, yeah…a woman in a solid relationship with her live-in future intended should NOT take up a free trip offer from a friend, certainly not one that a strong emotional connection exists with. But boy…did I ponder the options. Clearly a sign that my relationship at the time was floundering and I wasn’t trying to deal with it properly.

Of course this Fall, after breaking up with Mark, John was right there by my side helping me through it. John at this time had a girlfriend, he was JUST getting ready to meet her parents.

So now? I’ve been somewhat shying away from John lately, I know we will never be together. I’m not sure we would even be a good match in all honesty. But I do love him so…

The other day John called and I didn’t pick up the phone. The first thing he said on the message was “but I thought I was the one you always picked up the phone for” It seems when I make myself more unavailable (and have talk of falling for someone else, possibly, in a real way…) John comes back around. No talk of his girlfriend lately other than he has been too busy studying. Hmmmm.

So…this year? He’s getting ready to accept a position in San Fran for the Summer. He wants me to go out there with him for a week or two (of course he pays.) He even mentioned how he might want to make a longer trip of it and take the train across country to get there and asked if I would come along with him.

Um. Where’s that girlfriend again?

Sigh…

John called again last night and was shocked that I had the phone off (I was working a concert and mingle.) I’m not sure where it’s all coming from lately but it, well, it has me going hmmmmmmm…

I never expected to date Mark. I always, ALWAYS anticipated that John and I would find our way to each other…and then somehow things with Mark got serious. John and I have talked about this topic more times than we can count…we each see each other as the one…someday. And our timing has sucked ass. John was very, very regretful when we first connected again when Mark moved to Buffalo. Made lots of changes to his life, realized his mistakes he made with me and wanted me to be happy.

I fear that he’s coming back around again because, well…maybe he thinks I might have a chance to be happy again without him.

Yep, it surely makes me go hmmmm.


Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?