So what did I do Sunday night in my uber DEPRESSED blah indifferent numb state? Nothing around the house. Nothing that made me feel good. No, no………….. I decided that I should also sign up for online dating. Why not? Mark did right? Over and out. New horizons? I want to have a family someday why wallow in what might have been not really?

I posted my profile on Yahoo and Match. I even contemplating PAYING for Match.com and realized they had the 3 day trial membership thing. So I did it. I sent winks here and there, browsed the Buffalo men.

Yeah whatever. And then I browsed the DC men. And I realized there are A LOT more Jen men in DC. What am I doing in Buffalo again?

Ugh.

So I did it. And basically I wasn’t even a little bit into it. The next morning I canceled everything and deleted it all. The whole point of going to the WIZARD (therapist) is to learn how to love myself and get past my shit so I could find a healthy, mutual fulfilling relationship. What the hell was I thinking?

Ugh. I was thinking I didn’t want to waste any more time. i know what i want. I just have to go out and find it. (Eventually, and realize I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.) Of course, I need to find myself and make ME happy first, but you know, all in a day’s work I suppose.

Grrrrrr.