Depression, Personal / Tuesday, September 21st, 2004

I don’t get it.

I really don’t.

Yesterday, I spent time with a dear friend. Good talks. Tough times.

I came home to a raging headache. Sinus pressure like, but getting worse by the second with the sun…as soon as I could, I took a nap to sleep it off…

Today? I sleep in. Get up with just enough time to check the email, make a blog round and get ready for my interview. I go to the interview. It goes smashingly. I am excited, love the agency, love the thought of getting back in to the game, make a difference. (Oh yeah, and pay the bills.)

I get home, get a call for yet another interview. This one as a Program Coordinator for a Children’s Mentoring program. I also make an interview with a temp agency for Thursday. All should be amazingly well, right?

Ugh…but it isn’t. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Why? I have no freaking clue. I had to take a nap, there was nothing else to interest me. I was excited about the job, excited about the other interviews. Walked home on a lovely day, got dressed up, felt like a functioning member of society…and an hour later at home. I am doing everything I can to keep my head clear…I am exhausted. I take a nap, and wake up on the otherside of miserable. Feel like shit. Erin was home on the phone and then R came over. My God, the thought of bearing to be me for the night if they were going to be here, was almost too much for me to handle. Lucky, for them? ; ) They went over to his place…

AAAArugh. When will this ever end? I am trying…I am. And I still feel like shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. And I am now going to continue to feel like shit and hide from people who I will be grumpy towards. God, I hate depression. I am exhausted and irritable and I didn’t even do a thing. Fantastic, eh? Never said it had to make sense, but USUALLY I can tell when it is coming on, this time…it kinda crept up on me. Bam.

Blah…ooh. Looky. I have the SEASON PREMIER of Gilmore Girls to cheer me up! Perfect Rory losing her virginity to the man she loves who is MARRIED. Oh, Lorelai is not going to be happy about this one. Glad, I turned on the TV!

Yeah. even better. I get to watch Richard and Emily (the WASPy grandparents…and imagine my life as it would be with…with, well…we all know who with.) Alas. : ) He does embrace that side so…perfect pedigree.

Ok. This show is sweet. Luke and Lorelei apparently kissed at the end of last season. (Finally) She just called him at work to make sure that the kiss was acknowledged…and she said something like this…

Her: “The kiss.”

Him: “Yeah, you can forget about that if you want to…”

Her: “No, no I don’t want to. It was nice. If one of us was a frog it would have had some pretty impressive consequences.”

God, that’s all I want…now would be nice.

Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?