Unintentional Censoring


Blogging, Personal / Tuesday, March 12th, 2013

I’ve been censoring myself on the one place I always had to fall back on to be ME above all things…here on my blog. And I’m not happy about it. Instead of diving back in, I haven’t done any substantial ME blogging. I find myself posting on Facebook instead. I lost the ALL THINGS JENNIFER I know and love. And I want it back.

Excuses? I’m looking for a job and I can’t put myself out there? Yeah, right, that never stopped me before and anything I put on my blog shouldn’t affect what I do professionally. Tis just a credible sounding excuse to rattle off that I’ve used quite a bit. But now that I HAVE A JOB again (that I haven’t blogged about of course…) I can’t even use this flimsy line.

No time? Ha. I’ve had all the time in the world. I haven’t been working! I quit my job last April, planned our Wedding, (which I never blogged about!) dealt with never-ending colds and sickness and accidents, traveled a few places (two which I haven’t even blogged about yet!) planted a garden, put Mama’s condo on the market, started renovating our house, started looking for a new home, put a contact on a home, lost contract on dream home, found another dream home and have a closing in two weeks. (None of the house stuff I have mentioned here!)

I’VE HAD TIME TO BLOG! I just haven’t.

Why?

—cause.

Cause isn’t a good enough reason anymore. This is my 10th year of blogging. I’m missing out documenting the most exciting, happy, peaceful and content time OF MY LIFE and for what reason?

No reason that is good enough.

I’m not gonna lie, I feel odd knowing that my life has changed so dramatically over the last few years. And it’s mostly GOOD dramatic which has me feeling, slightly guilty. Which in all honesty is stupid. Life is about the good and the bad. I’ve blogged it all before, there’s no reason for me to feel odd about it now. But I do. And I’m not comfortable hiding anymore. I want to share. I want to mostly for ME. This blog has been keeping me on track for a decade. I can go back and reread emotional heartfelt posts and be right back in the moment. I want it secondly for US…I love my Husband and I adore the fact that he loves it when I share our story…I want our story together documented the same way I wrote about all the long twists and turns my life took to get to this very moment.

Facebook makes lazy blogging SO EASY it hurts. I can throw up a post, know that 1,000 peeps over there will see it if they want and I move along. But Facebook doesn’t let me THINK THROUGH the status messages. Once upon a time the FIRST thing I would want to do is come home from an event and blog about it. Now, it’s just as easy to post a few photos and tag on Facebook and get instant gratification. People actually comment and *like* things over on Facebook. Out in blog land you post publish and hope someone might read…the same group of people would read if I posted this link to Facebook of course, but that takes additional time you see, and if anyone knows anything about me the fact that I am IMPATIENT lends itself well to the Facebook platform over the blog. Not too mention I’m FAR too verbose over here and I could have posted the thought behind this entire blog post already as…

“I’ve been censoring myself on the one place I’ve always had to fall back on to be ME above all things…and that is here on my blog. And I’m not happy about it. Instead of diving back in I seem to just realize I haven’t been doing any substantial ME blogging and I go post something over on Facebook instead. I’ve lost the ALL THINGS JENNIFER I know and love. And I want it back.”

Hahaha. That was 10 minutes ago.

Yet THAT is the part I miss the most. And from now on, I’m not going to hide.

Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?