What a year!
I’ve been meaning to write this post for sometime now. Thanks to Bettina, I ‘m finally inspired to do so.
So it’s been a little over a year… Last year at this time I was filled with stress, anxiety, fear, doubt, pain, confusion and panic.
My grandmother was ill, really really ill and it looked like there wasn’t much time left (she ended up passing in Dec.) I realized how fragile the world is once again when childhood classmates of mine lost two children and their home in a devastating fire. I realized at the same time my relationship was nowhere near what I hoped it could be. I wanted a family…
Work? My God work was insane. All the physical stress in my personal life added to a frantic Gala event that had me up at all hours with anxiety attacks. I took a week off of work after Gala and said if I had to do it again, I would quit.
At home trying to make sense of it all I realized a lot of changes had to be made. I decided to go back to see a wizard (a very, very good counselor.) I broke up with my ex and had severe pangs of regret, despite knowing this is what was the best for…well, for months let’s just say.
Panic. Fear. Stress.
A terrible place to be.
A year later…
I’m living on my own in a funky neighborhood…a 3 minute walk to the hall and 15 minute walk to the office. Allentown. In love. I found a two bedroom apartment, upper above a great couple who love Buffalo. I have a large kitchen and lots of room for storage. I have a porch and access to a washer/dryer. I have a spare bedroom, new living room furniture and a whole new world of living on my own. And two kitty cats that can curl up with me at night once more. I dumped all my *extra* $ into a van given to me by my Aunt and Uncle. I’m mobile. Safe. Happy. Completely in love with life. (And poor as hell, but…)
My job has taken me down a path I never really considered and ended up being perfectly suited for. I’m supported by the best directors and co-workers and given the opportunity to use my talents and ideas to serve the organization I work for which I love. I basically created my perfect job and couldn’t be happier. Who gets this chance in life? Not many. I also changed a lot of things I didn’t like about Gala last year and this year—FLAWLESS. I also started another gig which I call my Tuesday retreat (about 8 hours a week) that is going to be helping to make up the difference of being poor as dirt…and in a two bedroom apartment on my own.
I’ve met amazing new like-minded friends who weren’t even in my life (some not even in Buffalo) who I now can’t imagine my daily life without.
I had the time to catch up with the dearest of friends I love so much slowly this year…Friends who helped pick me off the ground (literally) and helped me to keep my head on straight and looking to the future. I love you all.
I’ve *reconnected* with a man or two from the past (ahem) and met and dated another man or two. And definitely fantasized and flirted with at least another man or two or three… So many men so little time.
Life is good.
I might not be any closer to finding Mr. Right than I was a year ago and I’m for sure not any closer to having a family but I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Confident. Sassy. Smart. Successful (And poor as dirt, but…)
I do hope to find someone someday who can keep up with me. A friend posted this on her Facebook wall one day and I thought it fit me completely.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” — Marilyn Monroe
I’ve learned in the past year that:
1. I’m actually pretty damn happy being single…
2. I guess I’m sort of picky. But I know what I want and I won’t settle.
So here are the things I’m looking for in a partner.
A connection, affection, conversation.I need someone who supports my spiritual beliefs and wants a family someday. And someone not too allergic to cats. And not currently married.
And if he has dark hair or a bald head and glasses even better!
Um, and he should like books/reading, art/culture and accept my place in the world as a very social creature. (Blogger.)
All interested parties apply within, but be prepared to wait in line…I’m having too much fun right now to even think about meeting Mr. Right. And I’m also scared to death of falling for Mr. Not Quite Right again. Heart on my sleeve but keeping all real options at arms length, story of my life.
But at least I can say with complete conviction, tis a good life. I’m truly blessed with a little lotta help from my friends (and family.)