No Dice, No Money, No Cheating. Are You Sure This Is Monopoly?

Why I Hate Change—New Monopoly Not For Me by All Things Jennifer

1. Big Brother Tower is FUGLY. In a BILLY FUCILLO HUGE kind of way. Ick.

2. Kids learn how to count money with board games, not if a computer is doing it for you!

3. Older siblings learn how to *borrow* money on the sly with board games, not if a computer is doing it for you!

4. What happens to FREE PARKING? I love the money pot filled with bail money in the middle of the board! C’mon isn’t that a real rule not just a SMITH rule?

5. THE TOWER ANNOUNCES HOW MANY SPACES TO MOVE? What’s next? Voice of Gma/Gpa Baker calling out LARGE STRAIGHT when waiving your hand over a Yahtzee cup with no dice in it?

6. Plastic car? Plastic CAR? But one of the best parts is picking which awesome piece to be–Iron? Thimble? Scottie Dog Wearing Hat? Boo.

7. “Hasbro executives also say that young players do not want to bother with reading instructions and toss rules aside.” OH REALLY? Cause I bet PARENTAL EXECUTIVES say they want their children *bothering* to learn how to read and comprehend instructions.

8. “If you’re not having to read as much, you are all chatting more.” By making a tower read the dice for you? By making a tower tell you the rules? How does listening to something being told to you instead of reading it on your own create more chatter in a game?

9. Why do you need to SPEED up a game? If you only have an hour to play, you put the game aside nicely and pick up again the next day and the next and the next! Like a good book—ah, wait—there’s that reading thing again. DRAT!

10. Oh this one is classic…wait for it. “This version, she said, seemed to be “less and less about financial awareness” — children do not need math skills in it— and more about social interaction.” So you are telling me a GAME CALLED MONOPOLY which is about ECONOMICS AND BUYING AND SELLING PROPERTY IS NOT ABOUT MATH BUT SOCIAL INTERACTION. (shakes head)