And I post before class… Oh my…today for the first time, I started freaking out….why? WHY? Well, because I was eating lunch today with a woman who has been in school all her life as well, working on her Ph D in Education. And she is married and has a baby at home. And when we were talking, I realized I had MUCH in common with this woman (she wants to write a book one day, teach the next, run the education program at XYZ) THE ONLY DIFFERENCE is, well, she is married and has a baby. I said out loud in the lunch room a list of things I might want to be…and I said…”Wife and mother” and realized that law school has not been the only thing I have been hiding from….of course, law school, I have been mildly successful at. I feel pathetic and small. I feel like some epiphany hit me…”God, I DO WANT TO FALL IN LOVE” Fuck! And as I was walking across campus getting ready to read for a while before class, I started thinking about how…well, I have never REALLY thought about this before. And it scares me. Scares me because, of course we all want this right? And I am incapable in some regard….I have made it to almost 32 without finding it? Did I not really want it before? What am I hiding from? And unlike law school, which I KNOW I can accomplish, or unlike the NY Teaching Fellows program or the fantastic Community Program Director position that opened up at XYZ today….I can’t accomplish the wife/mother part on my own. Gulp. I am going to NEED someone else.