Proceed Without Certainty

One step forward – twenty-seven steps back.

Arugh.

How/where/what/when = why? Well, because I need the outlet. Goddammit.

After work tonight, I was doing my little ritual- lying in the grass, soaking up the energy, just… doing nothing.

Jordan got stuck on something out in the yard, and I called HWMMS, who was downstairs, to see if he’d rescue her. I was mid earthrotting, er, I mean, recalibrating and not ready to move. Being a good soul, he came up and saved her.

Conversation ensued. I started telling him about my latest synchronicity moment today but got sidetracked and said, “Well, you know I woke up thinking you texted me that we were at war with Iran…” and then that led straight into a Trump Tariff update.

“Did you see the market’s rallied?”

“Um, yeah. Did you see the blog post I sent you?  Market manipulation much? Illegal!”

“Well, maybe. I know there are a lot of rich people who are pretty angry they lost money…”

<END CONVERSATION IMMEDIATELY>

Somehow, ending this conversation led us into a discussion about Russia – which, I pointed out, was surprisingly left off the BIG BEAUTIFUL TARIFF LIST. He replied with the party line straight from the Press Secretary (AND I SHOULD KNOW BETTER FOR MY SANITY, but…)

OH MY GOD.

I said out loud “Wait, you know Dear Leader is in Putin’s pocket, right?” even though I already knew the answer wasn’t one I wanted to hear.

This brand-new tidbit of knowledge – that he doesn’t believe that – sort of shook me. How can someone not see the endless connections? OH MY GOD. I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO RECONCILE THIS IN MY BRAIN. My heart. My brain. I actively avoid engaging with people who would say they don’t think Dear Leader is in Putin’s pocket – and yet, here I am. Living with one.

All that grounding earth energy lost.

Once upon a time – before the regime took hold in 2025 – I protected him and his views at all costs. I didn’t want people to judge me for what he thinks. But GODDAMMIT. Not being able to process how I’m supposed to process this will never, ever, ever get better if I stay silent.

I was about to say (but did not) “If Joe Rogan said Trump was a Putin puppet then would you then believe it too?”

But. I. Held. My. Tongue.

About 15 minutes later of sitting with the truth: I reminded myself I am actively choosing this life. With this person. Who thinks differently than I do. I’m choosing to figure out how to navigate a marriage. These differences might not matter to others, just agree to disagree, don’t engage in discussion. But it matters. INTENSELY. To me. I’m not in the “don’t bring it up” world of peacekeeping anymore. The situation is bleak and dark, and I cannot, will not stay silent or I will implode.

Wait. Where was I?

Oh, yeah. After coming back in the house, I realized I was late for the Indivisible Truth Brigade Zoom call. I logged in and what’s the first thing I hear them talking about? How Joe Rogan doesn’t just shove politics down people’s throats – he talks about sports, weed, entertainment – and slips in anti-vax garbage in between. It’s carefully crafted media. And the public eats it up on a silver platter.

Sigh. Synchronicity? Or just my chosen fucking reality hitting me over the head. Again. I know I am not alone. I have three good friends (that I know of) in similaresque situations. It’s not about not caring – it’s the accumulation of so much misinformation.

My response to these moments is always to try to educate and share – you know, to really be BOTH SIDES – instead of the both side of the force fed algorithms. I will send the links. He will ignore them – or maybe at least read the headline. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Proceed without certainty.

I quickly found these three links to share – I don’t have additional capacity, I need to check up on the rest of the news of the day before tomorrow.

• Being Putin’s stooge won’t win Trump a peace prize. The Order of Lenin, though, is in the bag– Asked why Putin would keep his word in any peace deal when he never has before, Trump exploded: “They respect me! Let me tell you. Putin went through a hell of a lot with me. He went through a phoney witch-hunt…” Plainly, he sees Putin, an indicted war criminal and mass murderer, not merely as role model but as personal friend and fellow victim of political persecution.
• Why Was Russia Spared From Trump’s Tariffs? – Whatever the reasons, Trump’s decision to spare Russia has not been lost on Russia’s ruling elite. Moreover, some top members of that elite, such as Dmitry Medvedev, could not help gloating over how some of America’s traditional allies were reeling from Trump’s tariffs, while Russia was untouched.
• Comrade Trump – Why he’s acting exactly like a Russian asset would– A few years ago, it would have looked like mission impossible for even the most capable Russian spy. Divide the United States from its allies? Check. Discredit its normative power (human rights, the rule of law, democracy, altruism)? Check. Weaken U.S. institutions to make further manipulation easier? Check. One could go on. But it’s simpler to try testing the opposite hypothesis. Name one thing that U.S. President Donald Trump has done since taking office that the Kremlin did not like. Crickets.