May Challenge

My friend Jenn sent this to me and – yep it MAY have hit me right in the feels. The May Challenge. Hahaha. Grrrr.

I honestly am not sure why I am so freaking tired and in a foul, explosive mood but here it is. I’ve fallen out of the little routine I was once trying to develop. Self- care? Ha. My brain is heavy. There’s not enough time in the day or night to do all the things I need to do for work – which is how it has always been but once upon a time, I could manage. These days either my brain or body or both will just shut down and say NOPE – and somehow I still need to muddle through.

I’m 100% certain those fucking perimenopausal hormones have something to do with this – hurrah – got the damn period AGAIN this month. I’m so over it. SO SO SO over it. I’m a childless 51 year old chronically blessed soul. Can I at least get through this hurdle? I’ve been hanging out now for YEARS.

Along the lines of OLD – I’m the cranky bitch about the cold weather in May woman also. NOT BECAUSE OF THE GARDEN I know enough not to think about planting for real until after Memorial Day. (However I do recall getting a few Smith Tomato plants in mid-May last year and they THRIVED.) Frost warnings – whatever. I’m more concerned with being cold while in the house without the heat on. I want the windows open, but brrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Today was WFH day and this morning I could NOT get warm. I did our weekly zoom meeting in my hooded purple fleece schmoo which makes me look like this…CARE BEAR PENGUIN COUSIN!

And while my coworkers were enchanted by my wardrobe and some expressed a tad bit of jealousy – I still needed to turn the damn heater on to get rid of the chill. All this is normal and a part of the May Challenge – but when on a short freaking fuse of of — ALL THINGS.  Yeah.

Being 51 ALSO means a whole lot of YAY! Friends’ kids are graduating! (Not quite at the weddings and babies stage yet, but it’s coming…) And also a whole lot of UGH… funerals. Saying goodbye to parents – and, far too often lately, to friends my own age. In the last 6 months – three of my college sorority sisters said goodbye to a parent and three of my “contemporaries” friends here in WNY passed away. One of my besties included. FUCK I miss her.

Getting older and loving lots of people MAY BE challenging and utterly exhausting.

Yeah, there’s really no point in this post other than to get it out. I haven’t been journaling, planning, to-do listing – so I suppose this will have to suffice.