Morning, it is. Good? Yet to be determined.

When the alarm goes off at 5am I’m NEVER a happy camper. Nope. EVEN when waking up singing Christmas songs* in my head – still – nope.

Current earworm – SNOW by Irving Berlin.

“I want to wash my hands, my face, my hair with snow….”

We just had our first FROST overnight – therefore killing my garden dreams. I will not complain though because I LOVE COOLER WEATHER AND TOMORROW IS OCTOBER HURRAH!

Aaaaaaand, I might have FINALLY joined the Springville Community Chorale -WHY DID IT TAKE ME SO LONG? I LOVE TO SING!

Thank you Evil Twin for nudging me along. And getting to know the extremely talented and delightful leader Colleen Marcello during the Sound of Music also lit a fire in my soul. I might even take (gasp) VOICE lessons again – after um, 30 some years? Sing sing sing! All the Christmas songs! Every Tuesday night I leave rehearsal and walk outside hoping to see snow on the ground. Merriment indeed! AND ALL THE EXCLAMATION POINTS!

Another reason for the Christmas spirit – I registered for The Foundry Holiday Market (as in a VENDOR with a TABLE selling ALL THE THINGS) I’ve worked the last few Holiday Markets and I know it’s quite a festive event with lots and lots of maker goodness. Think plants, herbs, crafty things and likely biscotti.

Mmmm. Biscotti. I could go for some biscotti. And more coffee – my carafe is already empty (tis 8:45am as I write this…started work at 6.) Lucky for me the delightful Monica is working at the Sleeping Lady so as soon as the 9 am rush is over – MORE COFFEE FOR ME!

Ah, that moment when you realize you’ve talked to over 100 people already this morning and it is ONLY 9:05 am. That’s only the people I checked in mind you – not to mention all the hospital staff…#deathbysmalltalk

I’m seeing all the BUFFALO BILLS gear today and I forgot for a moment that it was Friday – I work Friday-Saturday-Sunday so I will be representing on Game Day.

Oh goodie – I just got to say out LOUD  “Sir, please don’t fight with me, masks are still mandated in the hospital, by the NY Department of Health.” (which is not small talk…) Followed by someone else telling me “But Biden said pandemic is over so that means no masks – not that he knows anything…”

Enough people, really. REALLY.

I went to get my coffee refill and Monica told me “she has my back” — she heard my disgruntled check in moment (all the way around the corner in the lobby.) I mean, I do have a VERY LOUD VOICE which is a good thing in this case – many people are hard of hearing (including myself) and we are still masking – AND there’s a rather loud heater in the little area between the outside and inside doors that sits about 10 feet away from me so I CAN’T REALLY HEAR QUIET VOICES.

The only sound I want to hear is Classical WNED 94.5 in the background. Ah, peaceful music to bring me back to a well, not really, but close to more of a zen-like state (so sayeth this proud sustaining member.

And this– reminds me I NEED to reschedule my appointment with the audiologist. Months and months ago I made all sorts of appointments – one was with a new audiologist. Just in time because during the entire month of August I had vertigo which didn’t quite go away, but when I went to the primary about it after 2 straight weeks all my vitals were normal.

So anyhow, I receive a reminder phone call the afternoon before the appointment and LO! I’m told I also need to bring a script. Huh? News to me. My appointment is the following morning at 8am, the afternoon before might be difficult to get a script at the last minute – I canceled.

Saying this next part  out loud for all my fellow spoonies out there…

Now for the fun spiral of WHYHAVENTIMADETHESEDAMNAPPOINTMENTSYET

I’m due for a follow-up with my primary. I need to get blood work, I don’t wanna know. I stall. But now to go to the audiologist I NEED to see my primary for a script. (Please note this is three appointments I need to make that I am now avoiding.)

I had a reminder, a few weeks ago, that it’s time for my annual Gyno visit. I’ve been meaning to try to get an appointment with a UroGyno because I reallyreallyreally need the Uro part-o, it’s been DECADES. (Please note this is now four appointments I need to make that I am now avoiding.)

I can’t even tell you the last time I met with my therapist. Um. Bad bad Jen. My therapist is AMAZING and so good for me and I know I’m avoiding her because I’m in THAT PLACE. (Please note this is now five appointments I need to make that I am now avoiding.)

I went to ONE PT session re: Psoriatic Arthritis. And skipped two appointments scheduled for follow up and never went back. MIND YOU THE PT IS AT THE HOSPITAL WHERE I WORK and I see the lovely therapists all the time and I had so much guilt in the beginning but now it’s been so many weeks that I think Justin forgot about it until he saw me this morning. Please note #3 above — same same. THAT PLACE. (that place for those who don’t know is the WHYDOESITMATTERANYHOW place that the Big D mental not-healthy brain of mine struggles with.) ((Please note this is now SIX appointments I need to make that I am now avoiding.))

And while this is not avoiding it is also TWO more phone calls I need to make – I had a robocall reminder yesterday for my follow-up virtual appointment with the Sleep Specialist scheduled for mid-October??? Um. Ok? I assume this was an error – but it did remind me that I need to follow-up with Buffalo CPAP to check on when my machine might be ready. I have a sneaking suspicion I have to call the doc because the appointment is supposed to review how I’m doing and well – I need a machine first, right?  It’s only been six weeks – I was told it could be months.

Yeah – that would now be a total of EIGHT phone calls I need to make…maybe Monday? Maybe not.

Aaaaand, endocrinologist – that’s on the someday list too. Damn – and I still need to finish up a bit of work with the dentist. (NINE & TEN)

I DO have upcoming appointments with my dermatologist and rheumatologist

12 APPOINTMENTS. Yep. 12.

Chronic Illness.

Autoimmune Psoriatic Arthritis. I’ve had the “diagnosis” now for a few months and I gotta say – I know it can be so so so much worse. With that said, my body has been VERY clear telling me NOPE – REST. And part of this need for REST includes having a ROUTINE. Which is something I haven’t had for years and years and years. None of my professional positions have been 9-5, not in the last decade for certain – evenings for events/classes and weekends and work from home and and and and…always sort of on, comes with the territory of Community Relations, Development & Marketing right?

RIGHT —– however (comma) last year, I realized I needed to listen to my body while waiting another year for a “diagnosis” and I left my job at The Foundry. I wasn’t reliable driving into the city at night, the endless multitasking and never-ending to-do lists involved with this work was really wearing on my body.

A year+ later I still have SO MUCH TO LEARN (and so many more doctor appointments…) but there’s one thing I know for sure – my body (and soul) craves routine. Me, routine? Whod’a thunk it?

On days like today – where I’m covering the 6am shift instead of the 2pm shift – I am not only NOT A MORNING PERSON but so, very – out of my now normal routine. My work schedule is also every other weekend (and I pick up other weekends too…) so even on the weekends my body is pretty used to waking up gently on my own without an alarm. The time used to be around 11am – but has creeped into the 9 – 9:30 am territory the last few weeks (after the evening time in the garden has fallen by the wayside.) When I get home from work, tis darkish – and I end up doing very little and heading straight to bed to rest – almost always by 9-10pm. Of course I don’t fall asleep right away, but my body wants to be lying down and Harley Boo wants to be chewing on his bone next to me.

I wonder what my life will be once I can actually BREATHE when sleeping with a CPAP.

Oh the things I look forward to these days. 🙂 Right now, all I can think about is a nap. The grocery shopping after work might just have to be pushed off until tomorrow, after all I do still want to make ALL THE CALZONES.