City Jen. Interesting. I am sitting here with little to say. Pondering quiet Jen…Go figure!

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Washington D.C. is chilly. Where are the cherry blossoms? The government should mandate them to grow at all times.

The more time I spend in this city, the more confused I am. Love the city. Hate the city. I think I loved it more pre 9/11. Oh well. On the way in I was pondering a Jen existence in Chicago. Anyone out there from Chicago? I am a strange person, I realize…but I just don’t think I am supposed to be in my Buffalo anymore.

I want something more? exactly the same but elsewhere? Arugh. I desperately want to plant myself. Join the Junior League, volunteer, sing in a church choir, become a docent, network…make an impact in the community…sit on a board, etc…etc…etc. At the same exact time, this notion TERRIFIES me. Settling. Staying put. Aren’t you supposed to KNOW where to settle? I love Buffalo and I would love to live up to my full potential there but, but…if I haven’t yet, what is holding me back? Why do I ponder so???

Sometimes I crave a larger city, something more grande…D.C., Toronto, New York? Other times I can not imagine living outside of WNY. I love it. I know it. This is where my typing and writing and talking and brain work at different speeds. I’m writing one thing and thinking something else. I’ve found that I do this frequently behind the words, are the unspoken thoughts that scare me.

Anyhow what I was NOT saying back there is…I feel SAFE. Is safe keeping me from finding that “something more extraordinary?” Hmmmm.