Conversations with HWMMS (Husband Who Makes Me Smile)

HWMMS: Yeah, I got your link to some item from Horchow and I instantly deleted it.

Me: Not fair! You KNOW I always get good deals, right? Also, you are showing about 3 inches of butt crack in those ridiculously, old, green sweatpants right now.

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HWMMS: I’ll pick up a box of instant potatoe…

Me: YOU CAN’T SERVE INSTANT POTATOES! I will make potatoes for you…instant potatoes are only in case of the zombie apocalypse and even then, I plan on growing potatoes!

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Me: Do you like this skirt?

HWMMS: I don’t really see you in it, it’s sort of hippy chic. You’re style is more eclectically conservative.

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Me: Are my eyebrows ok?

HWMMS: They look nice, you decaterpillared them.

Me: Wait. What did they look like before?

HWMMS: I never noticed before, I get lost in your eyes.

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HWMMS: What did I learn today? I should always watch The Avengers with my wife.

Me: That’s a marriage rule, not a lesson learned.

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Me: Are you excited?

HWMMS: Yeah, I’m excited for you to be quiet so we can take a nap…

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HWMMS: I have one request tonight…will you take lots of pictures of the haggard looking women at the concert tonight?

Me: Hey! I’m one of those women, be nice!

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Border Control: Anything to declare?

HWMMS: Yeah, a few bottles of wine.

Border Control: How many is a few?

HWMMS: About 15?

Border Control: Yeah, that’s a few…(chuckles) Have a nice night.

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Me: I don’t buy milk cause we don’t drink milk.

HWMMS: I don’t drink milk cause you don’t buy milk.

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HWMMS: I’m thinking maybe a BLT later?

Me: But its bacon, greasy…

HWMMS: No, its bacon. Bacon is love. Bacon would never hurt me.

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Me: Well, would you rather do the floors or watch the Sabres game?

HWMMS: At least with the floors, I know I have a chance of victory.

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Me: That’s my sexy look.

HWMMS: Can you try another one?

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HWMMS: Want more garlic bread?

Me: Um…

HWMMS: That’s yes in Jenny Speak.