Um, yeah today was a better day. Up and down. All around.

Damn relationships and no longer significant others.

The apartment is free and clear for me me me. Nothing left but a broken hot water heater that will be looked at this weekend, looks like I’ll be hanging in the Burby Southtowns just a wee bit longer. I dunno, I alternately finding myself craving coming home and getting everything redone and situated and starting my new life and at the exact same time would love to just stay cocooned with my best friend and her family and visit my brother and his family forever and ever. I dare say I’m even getting used to the drive back and forth.

But I do miss home. I miss my kitties. I bought them new collars, new fuzzy mice and a new scratchy box. I had to stop at Wegmans to pick up a gallon of water for the boys this evening after work and I spent a little quality time with my Simba Cat. All alone in that giant apartment, no little black kitties hiding in the bedroom to stalk all day, must be boring.

I also picked up about $40 of pantry items for BAKING. Um, yeah. I know how I’ll be spending my time. Look out friends and family! All that redirected energy into many, many sweets!

I’m really quite excited about getting everything painted as well. I’ll probably start with the bathroom during the week and save the huge front room and dining room for next weekend  before getting all my holiday decorations up!!! Painting party anyone? Wine and walls and WALLA! (Or as Rachel points out, it’s um voila but not when all the words start with W.)

Next weekend is also…RON HAWKINS at the Tralf on Saturday! I hope to meet Michelle (happy birthday by the way!) and Sara in person. Ron. Mmmmm. Ron is always a good distraction.

Today I ordered AAA. I’ll be towing the van from my Aunt and Uncle’s driveway to the repair shop tomorrow to get everything fixed up and hopefully I will have it on the road and wheels to go by the end of next week! Truly, truly blessed and someone is looking out for me. Since Mark and I shared the truck (and all the costs, grrrr.) Um, only one of us can get benefits of such property after a split…and it’s not me. And while I am more than self-sufficient getting around to where I need to go in the City with the buses, especially since my apartment is located a quick stroll away from the Bidwell Park/Elmwood Village area I’m easily able to move about the city and get to work. HOWEVER. I’ve also been visiting my Gram in Dunkirk at the nursing home lately…and getting around to see friends/family and out when getting through the first few weeks months of a breakup is MUCH easier to get around with your own wheels instead of depending on others. I’m just pretty lucky and thankful to my family for helping this charity out.

I also find myself ANGRY for not being more upset and devastated. Shocking? Well, you need to know me better…I’m a handful to say the least! There I was at the therapist yesterday telling her that I hate that I’m not feeling more upset. I should be! Mark moved out this weekend. Last stage of really, really over completed! And I’m not hysterical? UGH! Of course, my therapist, as well as friends and family think this is a GOOD HEALTHY way to be and know that I have been thinking about all of this and unhappy for sometime now. But me? I think I should be a mess. And I’m not. Go figure, I always need the drama right?

I guess it’s hard to be crushed when everything is falling in place and going well, much more perfect than I could have ever imagined. Angels watching me from above and angels friends/family supporting me all around.

Again, sad to even talk about this so much because it’s just a breakup. I know so many people going through so many things right now, breaking up with someone is hardly a catastrophe. But in my world? Well, it’s all my world, the every day in my world is suddenly new. And the future? Wide open for possibility of what I really want and need.

A whole new world and outlook.

Thank you to all those who email and comment and encourage and call and invite me places. I love you all. And it’s been fun getting to *meet* some of my long time readers who have been asking for access to the password protected posts! I’m trying to get back to normal, it’s just gonna be a little while longer…

Love and hugs.