DEPRESSION SUCKS.

I WISH PEOPLE UNDERSTOOD THE DIFFERENCE between being sad over stuff and clinical depression. Dealing with both at the same time, sucks. Physically not being able to get out of bed and feeling like not existing—not the same as being sad over stuff. It’s not just people I loved died. It’s not just that time of year. It’s not just my personality. It’s all that AND A MESSED UP CHEMISTRY IN MY BRAIN.

I don’t recommend trying to go off depression meds because you think you can, because you never can. Or at least this is true for me. And I know this. Sigh…and so it goes…its been a few months. I made a promise to HWMMS that if I was slipping back I would go back on, and slip I did…big time. I know there is an adjustment period, but at some point it’s not withdrawal, I need it to function properly. (I know this and I go through this every few years too which really pisses me off….maybe if I ever got my body healthy and in shape I could try going off, but until then…)

Also, interesting that I said I made a promise to HWMMS, not to myself. Sigh…

NOT TO MENTION it was a very hard January with a lot of loss and well below zero temperatures making the snow I love just a vision outside the window. And February tends to cyclically be one of the harder months for me too…I LOVE and LIVE FOR the anticipation of ALL THINGS DECEMBER and WINTER Christmas and Birthdays and New Years and ALL THE PEOPLE AND PARTIES and then I experience a HUGE post-holiday MEH period after it’s over mid-January.

HWMMS also thinks that part of it is me longing for the garden too…as much as I love Winter, now that I live out in the country where I belong, I do seriously long to get outside and plant and get dirty.

Found this post from 2011, almost exactly what I wrote this past month. The more things stay the same, right?

I said I was giving up Depression for Lent. And I mean it. Go away, I’m sick of you already.

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