What the hell is going on?

I’m not stressed!

Yet in the last 7 days or so, at least 5 of those days I have had a stress dream about work and Gala. I mean wake up in a panic that something wasn’t done oh wait GALA IS OVER shake it off stress dream.

Where the hell are these coming from? I know I still have to wrap up the event. I was out of the office all last week except Wednesday and maybe 2 hours Thursday morning. And I was sick on Monday. (Not stress sick, allergies sick.)

SO WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH ME?

I can say one thing, I needed that week off more than I thought I did. I was on edge. I knew everything went fine and smooth and no one noticed the 27 things that drove me crazy or went wrong. I’ve done events before. I get that things go wrong at the last minute and I put almost everything I had into this particular event and it wasn’t perfect enough for me. I’ll get over it.

We had a wrap up meeting last Wednesday and I was still so on edge with all the things that went wrong. I strongly felt that if I had to work again with a particular point person (not on our staff) I wouldn’t do Gala again. In fact I started thinking that seriously didn’t even want to pretend I might want to do it again, I just didn’t have the love for such things. I’m more than an event planner. (Which they know, and I am moving into the world of developing new programs and hopefully next year MANAGING new programs so the events will be secondary.)

And next year, since I’ve been through Gala already, I know where to make the changes and what I need to do weeks ahead of the game, these things I didn’t KNOW this year, oh but next year, I already know. Much of my work can be completed in August I just have to be WAY ahead of the game. I had no idea about these things this year though, which put much stress and too many thinking hours into ever last hour of each day for weeks before the event. Not my preferred way to plan an event. Not at all. Like I said, now I know. Because Gala coincides with the end of the fiscal year I am on my own for much more than I thought. Everyone has other priorities and Gala isn’t going to be first, despite the fact that IT IS FIRST!!! I get this now. And with a week off behind me, I feel better about it all again.

SO WHY AM I STILL HAVING THESE CRAZY DREAMS?

Ugh. I need to relax. I quit League this week. My huge event is over. Time for me is around the corner. So why on earth is my only time to relax being so painfully interrupted every night?

I hate it…