ENERGY (Negative)

Current Status – ENERGY (Negative). I wrote this LAST FRIDAY – “This week 4/5 days straight from work to bed. Very busy and productive but spent.” Yep, that was last week – productive and in bed. But I had energy at least to be productive.

This week – started out productive but OMG hit a wall already. My Wednesday self this morning felt more like My Friday self  – which is just done with braining.

I have two days left to go this week. As my friend El said – “The day was already more awake than I was…”

I long for the days when I could drink a pot of coffee and it actually made a difference in my energy level. This autoimmune long-covid peri-menopausal fatigue is relentless…if I could have – I would have taken the entire day off and just slept. But alas — bad part is if I don’t start honoring these moments – my body forces me a few days later. Which happened two weeks ago with a giant CRASH.

I should listen to my silly Jenny PEEPS Finch App.

In other news – I got the Master Gardener application in my email last week. Pre-COVID, pre-chronic illness me would’ve been so excited. But now? No way I can commit if accepted. FT work takes all my spoons.

This one hurt. It was on my When I Grow Up List – I made back in 2014! The grief is real.

I gave up tickets to see my friend Sue perform tonight – because FATIGUE

I honestly don’t know why I still pretend there’s any chance I’ll do anything after a full day of work. By 5pm, the only thing I’m doing is pulling weeds in the garden before crashing into bed by 9. I strongly dislike this “new normal” I’ve been stuck in for the past year and a half – full-time, hybrid working Jenny. I went back to full-time in fall 2023 and since then I haven’t been able to do much outside of work without paying for it in spoon deficits.

Time to make some chamomile tea (add lemon balm and lemon) and get ready for bed. May the spoon drawer stay stable enough to get me through Saturday.