I’ve not been myself this past two weeks, some sort of funky funk…the onset of the Big D I hate so much. Maybe there’s some hidden message in the dream I had last night?
HWMMS had to wake me up in the middle of the night because he was freaked out that I was crying/laughing hysterically—I was dreaming of being “pelted by a giant flying gourd in the shape of a chili pepper that was the size of our doggo while on a ski mountain.”
I was crying because I didn’t catch it and it hurt when it hit me. It looked like a normal gourd from the top of the mountain but as it approached it got larger and larger. And I have no idea why I was laughing, but I couldn’t stop after I woke up…
WTF? Analyze that?
I mean my initial thought when pondering the quote I typed myself in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t forget was–FALL IS FLYING BY SO FAST IT WILL BE GONE AND I HAVEN’T EVEN ENJOYED IT YET.
The date is October 15th and I haven’t put up any of the FALL decorations. I’m clamoring to do this in August most years!
My pumpkins are still on the vine in the garden.
My corn stalks are dried in the garden instead of on the porch.
And the decorative gourds? They are still hanging out in the trailer waiting to be displayed with love!
But instead of going with my my GUT is telling me…I decide to turn to the all knowing Google… (Side note, YES I realize the irony of mentioning all these things that are still not done but instead taking photos of them and blogging about it.)
“To see a gourd in your dream, represents abundance, longevity and fertility. It is also a feminine symbol denoting the womb.”
Hmmm. I *did* have a good conversation about fertility and babies with someone yesterday…so that was on my mind.
“Gourd –feeling dried up and hollowed out; a container; not having it all together. What are you trying to hold together? “
Ok, this hits the nose on my head or whatever that phrase is. I do NOT feel all together lately. I’m the master of multi-tasking but when I’m in a funk, I feel like I am multi-failing at a number of things instead of tasking. (Crazy—I was looking for a depression post to link and found this one from 2004. TWELVE YEARS AGO. Still feels the same, but at least I’m aware of the oncoming train and TRY to be kinder to myself. Try. ) I will always have a million to-do lists, that’s just my life…most days I’m ok with this, but when I fog comes over me…I get lost and feel like I’m spinning gears and not accomplishing. So yeah, this one makes sense.
ESPECIALLY since I know myself pretty well and I know when I’m reaching a breaking point. I hit that last week and ended up taking the entire weekend OFF of WORK. I was going to do work when I got home from work on Friday but our friend Alaska Joe rolled into town and I hung out with him instead. Saturday was Vanessa’s wedding. And Sunday? Well, Sunday I did a ton of work but it involved time in the garden winding down the season and preserving…of course being in the funk, coming outside of a weekend off I felt refreshed in one regard and TOTALLY panicked in another because there’s just so much I want/need/have to do still. Alas…
I also realize yesterday, I HID FROM MY DOCTOR when I saw her at the welcome reception for the new surgeon at the hospital. HID from her because I haven’t gone back to do my blood work and follow-up tests from my appointment a few months ago. I skipped the appointment in September. WHY? Because I’m terrified of hearing the words “you have Type 2 diabetes” and I’ve done NOTHING over the years to stop it.
Hmmmm. Any other dream weavers out there want to take a shot at interpreting?
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