Half a Lifetime Ago On This Day. My dad passed away. Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. No idea how long he was sick, he never let in a clue and never wanted to see a doctor. His mother passed away that May. Dad went into the hospital that July. And passed away in September.

As of today, I have officially lived half of my life without my dad. Which also means that I have lived half my life with my mother married to a man who is not my father. “My mother’s husband.” I never referred to him as a step-father. I never really considered her *new* family my other family. I graduated from high school, and left. My home became Gma’s and Gpa’s house. And this year, after Gpa’s passing? I don’t even feel like that is my home anymore.

Where has the time gone? How do I feel so much closer to 16, than my *not 30* something status of nearly 32?

How is it fair that dad never got to see his first grandchild? My most precious little niece? Or his son get married? Or his son graduate from medical school or his daughter *almost* graduate from law school?

But then again? Would our lives have turned out the way they did had he not passed away? Would my brother be a doctor if he didn’t accompany our step dad to his doctor? Would I have settled down and married someone and not attempt to go to law school if I hadn’t decided so fiercely against *needing a man* after watching my mother’s become completely lost after my dad passed? And remarrying not even a year after?

Everything happens for a reason.

I guess this is much easier for me to put in context half a lifetime later, personally…but still so very difficult when looking at the state of our world today.

How is it fair that the poor and most vulnerable members of our society get stuck in nature’s wrath? How is it fair that men and women making a living, going to work, end up perishing in a terrorist attack? How is it fair? How?

No rhyme or reason…none.

All I know is, I am who I am today, because of the experiences I have lived through the bad and the good. I am strong. I can survive. There are people much worse off than I…and I am here on this earth to help those people make a better life for themselves. Someway, somehow. This is my purpose.

My heart goes out to all those who are suffering. And all I can offer is the hope that half a lifetime away from now, life will be normal again. This I believe.