In my entire life…I’m quite certain I have never been treated with such blatant disregard by someone calling me a friend. It actually makes me physically ill thinking about it.
Funny thing is life is made up of more than just smooching. Relationships are built on trust, friendship, laughter…
Bah.
Silly me for actually caring about maintaining these relationships in life.
Or not silly me.
Plain and simple. If I have confided in a friend about my feelings for someone, no matter if that other person has feelings, could have feelings, might have feelings, doesn’t have feelings or even has come flat out and TOLD me he doesn’t have feelings for me, a friend does not find her way into his life completely and utterly behind that friends back. No. Not in my world. Not in the world of anyone I’m friends with actually. It’s wrong.
Especially, even MORE SO after knowing the week I just had. And every damn little detail in between. In fact, that’s pretty much been the entire basis of our friendship to begin with, commiserating about men, in painstaking (turned painful, I realize) detail. Deleting her from my life won’t mean much to me at all actually to tell you the truth, easily done already.
I’m floored. Surprised, but not really, when your close with someone (not her, him…) that intuition kicks in, I’m not a tool.
But I sure feel like one.
The funny thing is…looking at my past…
I have been the understanding friend who has fallen for someone, who has not reciprocated and watched my friends swoop in… if relationships are meant to be, they happen. But not maliciously on the sly.
In college? I loved my friend Jay more than anything and he and I never got together. Instead, my roomie and sorority sister ended up dating him. She knew how I felt, I ended up being as fine as I could be. And her and I are still just as close.
Back in college, my friend Linda initially told me about how she liked this guy named Howie. Of course when I met Howie we hit it off and I ended up liking him…treading cautiously, maintaining friendship because no man is worth a friendship. Howie and I ended up dating not dating for how many years? 5?
Erin? Erin didn’t want to date her boyfriend Derek because she knew that he was “Law School Boy #1” when I first met him. (As in one of my many crushes.) Of course it meant nothing to me…and he turned out to be not such a good person for her after all.
And even better, cause what goes around comes around? Howie…the man I dated for most of my 20’s ended up MARRYING another one of my good friends and sorority sisters.
Needless to say, I’m a damn good at somehow maintaining friendships, while somehow dealing with feelings for the opposite sex.
But this person? Obviously isn’t. I feel like she stabbed me right where she knew it would hurt most and disregarded all those shoulders I offered her over the past few years to cry on.
Not everyone can be a friend. Lesson learned.
Delete.
Move on.
Bring on the pussy willows!