I?

Me, Myself and I

Somehow four months have gone by. My goal for this coming year was to focus on Me, Myself and I. One of the most important parts of this equation meant getting healthy.

I was losing weight, taking baby steps. Wearing the fitbit, drinking extra water. And then BAM I hit the wall. Which always happens. And then I’m in a depression and then I’m avoiding the idea of getting back on the right path even more because I don’t want to admit that I erased any forward progress I already started.

Ugh. I had lost 18 pounds. Mostly bloat. And i wasn’t even “really” trying that hard. Knowing I erased that progress just depressed me even more. I avoided the scale and continued to bury myself in unhealthy habits.

Earlier this week, maybe Tuesday morning??? Something clicked again, an upward turn from the depression cloud, a slight climbing out perhaps? I stepped on the scale to face the truth.

Down. 20. Pounds.

HUH?

HOW?

Two additional pounds dropped over my lowest weight since tracking on November 29th. 5 pounds a month is not good enough, but surely isn’t nothing. Someone is looking out for me somewhere upstairs. I would have been devastated to go back to ground zero. Now instead? I’m 7 pounds away from a major goal. (27 pounds!)

And in that all things synchronicities kind of way, I completely forgot that i was scheduled to have a doctor appointment THE NEXT DAY. I got the robo call from the doctor office reminding me that my appointment was Wednesday. What a coincidence (and no, I didn’t know…I apparently never put it in my calendar.)

Pathetically enough, I had to reschedule the appointment anyhow, I never did all the follow up testing I was supposed to complete. Because I’m a terrible person and I don’t care about my own health. Grrrr. (Or because I’m depressed and/or I don’t want to face the facts, WHICH IS WHAT I YELL AT MY MOM ABOUT.) UGH.

My appointment is rescheduled for May 5th.

In the next month:

  1. I WILL lose those 7 pounds and reach my first major goal.
  2. I WILL start wearing my fitbit and tracking goals again.
  3. I WILL call the ob/gyn for my appointment and schedule my mammogram.
  4. I WILL complete the blood work requested (but not until the week before my appointment.)

I somehow feel like I got a Get Out Of Jail Free card this past week when stepping on the scale, I MUST keep the positive momentum going. Despite feeling depressed and crappy I did not gain back the 20 pounds I lost. That is a miracle and worth celebrating.

And a nudge that I can maybe really do this…