My Heart

“Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts.” -Anonymous

You know how the grinch had a heart that was two sizes too small? Well, someone once told me that my heart is two sizes too big. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I have a large capacity for love, yet somehow? I seem to still be searching for that one person to complement my *oversized* heart and spirit.

At 16, the first time I heard the words “I love you” from a boy? I answered…”Do ya think?”

At 24, I heard the words “I love you” for the first time, in the middle of an *argument* “But, I love you…” I heard, from the man I would spend the next 5 years with.

And at 30? I waited to hear the words “I love you too” but only found an uncomfortable “you too” at the end of the night. The WASPy tendencies I never quite understood…but craved bending, ever so slightly. I became impatient. 🙁

As a young girl, I learned that hearing and saying the WORDS “I love you” mean everything. My biggest regret in life is not remembering the last time I said “I love you” and hearing it in return, before my dad died. I would give ANYTHING to go back, just for one last “I love you.” Anything.

Seeing my favorite play, Romeo and Juliet this weekend reminded me of how much I crave love. My oversized heart has a lot of love to give…and I’ve been shortchanging myself for sometime. I’m lonely. Painfully lonely sometimes. All the fun things to do in the summertime, are no fun by yourself. But tis better to be lonely and waiting for my extraordinary love, my Romeo…than to pretend and watch the days go by unsatisfied- wanting, needing, craving more. This I have learned.

“Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say “Ay”
And I will take thy word; yet, if thou swear’st,
Thou mayst prove false; at lovers’ perjuries,
They say, Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo!
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully:
Or if thou think’st I am too quickly won,
I’ll frown and be perverse and say thee nay,
So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.
In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond,
And therefore thou mayst think my haviour light:
But trust me, gentleman, I’ll prove more true
Than those that have more cunning to be strange.
I should have been more strange, I must confess,
But that thou over-heard’st, ere I was ‘âware,
My true love’s passion: therefore pardon me,
and not impute this yielding to light love,
Which the dark night hath so discovered.

My heart’s always been worn on my sleeve, for the world to see. The problem I’m finding is my mind and heart don’t always hear and want the same thing. I might love easily, but I know I’m not easy to love…and therein lies the problem of my oversized heart. I have an oversized *passionate* temperament to match.