My adventures at the 97 Rock PRE-Valentine’s Girls Only Party

My Aunt Ellen emails me last Monday and asks if I’d like to come along with her to a party for women only that she won tickets to on the radio.

Ummm.

Now, despite any hesitation on my part, remembering my sister-in-laws bachelorette party and fuzzy leopard print handcuffs. I figured the night would be at least blog worthy!

And at the very least I got to touch the pretty, pretty pearls.

I guess after thanking Aunt Ellen for the invite, I have to admit I was quite disappointed overall. I mean, a call in to win ticket event? Exclusive? And when you get there…the radio station didn’t offer ANY free drink or free food? In fact a Pepsi at the bar in a rocks glass ended up being the lowlow price of $2! Are you kidding me?

So…the radio station gives away free tickets to a women only event to come to a bar in the middle of a cheezy strip mall on a Wednesday night and doesn’t offer any goodies. Nice. Real nice. I see 3 sponsors here. The radio station, the bar and the sex toy shop. The only thing the guests received were 4 tickets for random drawings for *prizes* called throughout the night. Small goodie bags and one grand basket prize, all from the sex toy store who set up shop that night and probably made a good penny from sales.

The actual sex toy party set up was…well, the sex toy store set up tables of merchandise on this stage area that was boxed in with railings. Inviting 100 women to attend this event meant that approximately 10 people could really get into the area to look at the merchandise at any given time, however at least 30 people were hoarded in at any moment waiting to get a glance. Ugh.

Now, I’ve been to a sex toy party before, and let me tell you the FUN part is being around people you know and enjoying drinks. And silly things like penis straws or cookies or a themed drink of the night. Having someone on stage speaking to 100 people spread out over a stage area and dance floor (with no fun themed accessories?) Uh not so much fun.

This party? Started with the hostess getting up on the stage and talking about the basics…like the magic bullet (which now comes in wireless which I did not know!) A few more toys were passed around including vibrators and flavored lubes etc.

But nothing exciting or new. (For me.) All pretty bland actually. (In my humble opinion.)

Of course the hostess was taking questions from the floor. Oh, dear. Questions from the floor. So not what I wanted to be around after seeing the many, many different dressed up women in the house. Some looking all sleek and leathery. Some with animal prints. Some with short, tight half tops (hello, it was COLD outside!) and some wearing you know sweatshirts with screenprinted cartoons on them. Yeah. Mixed crowd. When the one woman who kept asking questions finally asked “are you looking for testers?” I wanted to crawl under the pub table we were lucky enough to be leaning against.

I think there were seats for about 30 women total up near the stage, everyone else was standing around on the dance floor. I personally would have imagined a setup that allowed for an *in the round* experience on the dance floor with the tables and the hostess in the middle and all 100 guests surrounding the tables, but that’s not how they decided to do it.

Where was I? Oh…there were a few good quotes from the hostess that night.

“The back is the new front.”

And “Anal Beads: The New Fuzzy Dice”

I was wondering by the reactions of many if they’ve ever been in a sex toy store before. Some of the ladies seemed shocked. And I’d say the average age of the women in attendance was up closer to 40 (or so it looked…) so all I have to say is, those poor poor women. I guess there were a few groups of younger gals, but they were likely bored as well and in the back of the room wishing we had free drinks as well. Or wishing the few tables of ladies right up in the front weren’t sitting there since 4 pm drinking.

Yeah . And with that said, I take us all to the end of the evening. Please remember that this was a WOMAN ONLY event. At the end of the evening, a screen door that separated the dance floor from another bar area was opened, so any of the men hanging out over there could suddenly be a part of the rest of the evening…where they brought on stage Burlesque Dancers for our enjoyment. The MC was all “wooo hooo if you want to tip the ladies you’re gonna have to get up there and give it to them baby.” Immediately following up with “where are all the men in the house?”

Well, DUH! You freaking invited women only to a women’s only party and then within 10 minutes of the sex toy party ending, on a Wednesday night, in a strip mall *club* you open the door to allow the men inside and you are surprised when there are only 10 men on the other side of the door waiting? Please.

Now I actually appreciate and love watching burlesque dancers. The women are sexy and hot and gorgeous. And the one brunette on the end was curvier and simply stunning to watch. But 97% of the audience brought in by the 97 Rock ticket giveaway, PROBABLY DON’T SHARE MY GIRL CRUSH APPRECIATION. And without free drinks, not many were whooping it up.

Sigh. This could have been done soooooo much better. So much better.