Ay! There’s the rub!

When I took this photo yesterday evening at practice, this quote was running through my head. “To sleep, perchance to dream…”

However, I didn’t want to be that dark—-especially after reading the news of the day and being completely disgusted (once again) and feeling hopeless. Didn’t want to scare anyone (despite knowing my brain does go there, has been going there…way too much this past year.) It’s terrifying.

Yeah, I know the quote isn’t about “sleeping” or “dreaming.”

I chose the caption “miles to go until I sleep” instead.

HOWEVER MY BRAIN WAS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING.

And since I chose to push it aside, it came in a dream instead. A dream I should call a nightmare, but really, it wasn’t. It was peaceful and unnerving and well…

Here it is.

My dream, perchance to dream…

I’m driving the Escape down a road in Arcade, NY. In the passenger seat is a friend from childhood. A friend I have not spoken to since HS graduation and has no other part in this dream other than she is in the passenger seat.

UPDATE——um, today is said friend’s birthday. I pressed publish and saw the date and my heart flipped. For those of you not old enough to remember, once upon a time before the internet and Google calendar one had to memorize dates. And your BF from Kindergarten’s birthday is one of those dates you still remember 38 years later. FREAKING MYSELF OUT RIGHT NOW.

As I’m driving, I have my phone as the GPS sitting on the dashboard (which is what I usually do.) I’m going over a small bridge and then the GPS suddenly goes red and says ACCIDENT. I think, oh crap…and then the GPS resets and displays in red FATAL ACCIDENT, (street and street) ARCADE, NY.

Which is the exact intersection I’m at! But I don’t see an accid—-oh wait, I look behind me and see an ESCAPE flipping over and over and down the hill behind the bridge and crashing below…

And then I realize the ESCAPE is mine. And I’m the one in the FATAL ACCIDENT and I’m just a second or two behind watching it happen. But I’m alive…I’m here…oh crap, I’m not here, I’m there…I’m not alive.

AND MY ALARM GOES OFF.

Timing is everything.

Death – Change. Yeah, yeah…but…well, what does it really mean. What change. Where am I heading?

Why did it not feel like a nightmare? Shouldn’t it have been?  It was unsettling of course, but I wanted to know more.