Wallowing. And then I will jump back into the life I love…
But for now?
🙁
I’m sad.
Which is odd considering I had a lovely time with family this weekend.
But while at the church today it started to sink in…
I’m riding with my brother and my sister-in-law and the most perfect amazing niece in the world to church to meet up with my little little brother a generation below me…and his wife…and their baby for a christening. My mom and her husband sit in the row in front of us. Proud grandparents. My sister Vanessa is there too, sitting by her dad. (Ness is still young, she has PLENTY of time to find one of the boys and settle down.)
At my age, I should be identifying with the elders, not my early 20’s single fun loving sister. (Although most days as we all know, I adore the same exact situation. Black and white. Hot and cold. All or nothing.)
My mom married into the Spinler family when I was 16…I was the oldest of the grandchildren. My brother was three years behind. Cousins, cousins everywhere and most 10 years younger. And now? The younger cousins…the ones now out of college and working jobs and getting married are having babies.
Me? I’m still blogging about wanting to have a family someday.
Ain’t that a kick in the head!
I know I chose a different life path…I never had a serious relationship until after college and even at that point, not sure what I would call those 7 years. So obviously me getting married and having a family at that age wasn’t what I wanted. But I did ASSUME I would have that SOMEDAY. After ending my relationship two years ago I still believed that I *might* have that SOMEDAY.
Today?
Today I realize that a majority of my friends are on their 2nd or 3rd…some 4th children. And my oldest and dearest friend from childhood Linda Lu is having her baby tomorrow. Not too long ago I thought our children would grow up together like we did! Linda and Bob and Jen and Mark and babies! Except one of those people didn’t feel the same…and while Linda Lu was trying I was breaking up with the man I wanted to have children with someday.
Tonight, I will grieve.
Tomorrow, I’ll be back to normal and welcoming little Aiden into the world with my best friend.