Weekend Update. Ah, the weekend started on a high note. I was all about HAPPY HOUR at Target. Right after work I wanted to hit the store to purchase house type things I still need and I was going to be a homebody and stay in and work on my apartment all weekend.

Until a Happy Hour at the Thirsty Buffalo emerged. I was just stopping in for ONE drink and then going to Target. I swear.

A few drinks later…well, not on my part I stuck to my plan, and a lot of unnecessary talk about funk butter (make sure when you Google it you put it in quotes.) Mags and I hit up the Target. (WAIT: I ACTUALLY TURNED DOWN A SHOT OF GOOD TEQUILA DIDN’T I? WTF? Good friends never let good friends pass up a free shot of Patron!) Back to Target where I find a tension rod and another penguin bath towel but NO bathroom medicine cabinet rack so pretty panties instead. Turns out the pretty panties, while pretty indeed, are also too big. I chose the XL and I need the L. I have flat but plus sized woman syndrome, a rare but fatal underwear purchasing disease. AND I spent way too much time coveting the super large absorbent bath sheet for $19.99 thinking that the last time I had new bath towels…was when I went away to college in 1992, my Auntie Carroll bought them for me.

I did not buy the towel. But Mags bought a single sized Shamwow and had glorious plans of “spilling shit everywhere” this weekend to test it out.

And she found her vitamin gummy bears.

But how many vitamin gummy bears are too many? A child size serving is 2 bears. So can an adult have 4? I would never be able to purchase these things. I have no control and would end up with 7542% of my daily Niacin requirement and OD or something, I just know it.

So anyway…happy hour(s) at Target ends and we hit up Marshall’s for a bit because I need all new spring/summer (everything but skirts.) Apparently when I took my warm temperature clothes down to the basement this Winter I placed them outside of the storage space which meant my bag was mistakenly thought to be GARBAGE and was promptly tossed along with about three pick up trucks worth of crap that was all over my landlady’s basement. Misunderstanding, yes. But now those cute pairs of cheap capris and button down tops I had are gone, gone, gone. And I can’t go on. Whoa oh oh oh.

I can go on, I just need a few basic items. CHEAP of course. I’m not going to buy a $19.99 blouse. I might go for $14.99 but really I want $9.99. I guess I’m not quite at that clearance time of the year though, everything in Marshall’s was not my cup of tea or too expensive.

(More to follow, must drink mimosas…)

Mimosa brunch. $2 ALL YOU CAN DRINK WHILE THE WAITRESS COMES OVER TO REFILL YOUR CARAFES. Life is good. (More on that later.)

So I bought a purse. And then I was cranky and bitchy and tired and did NOT want to go out. Until Beyonce “Single Ladies” came on the radio. Sometimes you have to listen to the universe…

I went home and took a power nap. And let me tell you waking up at 11 pm was not in my plan. Although it was in my plan. TIRED GRUMPY BITCHY. But I went…to Essek Street Pub with Mags and B. To meet  up with Sister of Mags and He Who is Currently Smooching Sister of Mags.

There we saw a very sad drunk man walk outside with his coat on upside down and a white doggie outside the window, the one with a mohawk up his back.

And other interesting people. Like the loser boy who was wearing toe sandals with white socks. We *might* have been making fun of him a little bit when the people around him outside realized we were talking about them. So…we lipped through the window that well, we are making fun of the socks and sandals…and then something magical happened.


The guy with socks and sandals. Took his sandals off, one by one, and his socks…one by one and swung them in the air in triumphant glory. Priceless, really. Lesson: just don’t wear sandals with toe cleavage and tube socks in the first place, especially not in public.

Crack me up! Truthfully, I was bitchytiredcranky and wanted to go home.  So home I went.

Ok. Sunday?

Sigh…

Mimosa brunch. As my readers will recall the last time I went to mimosa brunch I ended up broken bottle of wine in hand 7 hours later and in the ER with a ruptured tendon. But just like they say, you have to FACE those fears and get back on the horse…

Brunch was good.

Later this evening? I  think I invited people over to my place on the porch. I better get home and get cleaning!