Yep. I found myself weeping last night. I was out of nowhere (ok, not really out of nowhere but that will come from a password post…) missing Mark. Ok, not necessarily even missing MARK but missing the idea of Mark. Missing *him* lying next to me…missing the way my head would rest on his chest in the nook of his arm…I felt suddenly so alone last night.

I wonder how much of it has to do with me getting ready to move out of the apartment we moved into together? I wonder if this is some hidden reason why I haven’t been able to seriously even START looking at places. I looked at ONE place. One. That didn’t allow cats. One. And it’s April 23rd!

Sigh.

I wonder how much of missing him is realizing I’m emotionally invested in more than one person right now. Ok, in fairness, just one. Emotionally invested, but will I ever have the cuddly loving togetherness? Would I even WANT it to happen? Does he want it to happen?

Bah. I’m tired. I’m tired of peeling off the layers. I should be over the moon with happy feelings today and instead all I want to do is fall asleep under the covers, right, now.

I LOVE my job. I was just nominated for Best Blogger I was asked to sit on a Board for an Organization I believe so strongly in, but know better that I’m too busy right now and have to concentrate on me (and my incredibly expanding job in the community with the new position at work.)

AND I just got my haircut into a lovely SPRING layerfest. Sassy and fun.

And I’m so freaking tired it’s not funny.

What’s it all about?