Words.

Sometimes they come. Sometimes they don’t.

Actually, that’s not the whole truth. The WORDS are always there. You know, in my head. Getting them out of my head via mouth or fingertips on a keyboard or pen on paper is another thing entirely. Heck, who am I kidding sometimes just trying to figure out one word at a time in my jumbled up head is a task unto itself. Or admitting that the words I’m hearing seeing feeling ((hiding)) are there in the first place.

The last two months I’ve been in a much more friends with benefits relationship with words. In March I challenged myself to do a blog post every day, based upon a theme. After realizing I could do that successfully and felt like I had a bit of my blogging mojo back I challenged myself this month of April with a CampNaNoWriMo goal of 50,000 words. Approximately 1,667 a day. For 30 days.

I’m on track, which is amazing. I’ve started and not finished Nano so many times in the past (won a few times too, I think twice actually?) It will be nice to get that pat on the back from myself for completing the challenge in a few days. 2/3 of the way there! WOO!

The one thing that really bothers me though, is that my words are so freaking disjointed and everywhere. Some days I pound out 3,000 without blinking, BUT because I was behind on the word count from the day before I’m barely at pace. Other times I feel like I’ve been writing forever and I only somehow have 600 words down. In multiple different thoughts and topics.

ALL OF THIS IS PROGRESS and so very, very good for my soul. But I need to do better, dig deeper.

I’m pretty impressed that I’ve made it 31 + 21 = 52 days on a blogging streak. That’s something I haven’t done in YEARS. How many days does it take to make something a habit again?

—now that is another issue. How can I go 52 days keeping myself, mostly, on track for something like WRITING but not for exercise? Or sleep? Or healthy eating? Or walking the dogs? Or waking up not grumpy? Or going to bed early? Or reading a book daily? Or drinking my 100oz of water daily?

(Mental note: I read this post and then thought, hmmm, interesting that I didn’t write down MEDITATE daily.)

Hmmmm. I might need to explore that issue further. AND I shouldn’t be hating on the fact that I’m for the first time in a long time focusing on something I LOVE TO DO (blogging) and beating myself up over not doing something else instead for the last 52 days. Ugh. I must deep down really hate myself, eh? I should be HAPPY not trying to figure out ways to twist something good into something that doesn’t matter, really.

Cause to me, it does matter. Writing, blogging, journaling. Matters.

And it matters right now during the MeMyselfI2017 year of selfishness.

Almost there…just 15,000 more words (give or take 1,000.)