Top Three Most Painful All Things Jennifer Physical Aliments (To Date)
1. 2009. Swine Flu. I do not wish this upon my enemy.
2. 1997. I remember having an earache that hurt so much I THREW the bottle of ibuprofen into my housemates bedroom because I seriously thought I would take the entire bottle if I had access to it. I don’t remember the pain, BUT I do remember doing this so it had to be bad.
3. 2012. This afternoon I coughed so hard I think I pulled a muscle. Who knew there was a muscle underneath all those layers of fat in my whomp? Later in the evening, after coming in from two hours in the garden I was getting undressed ready to take a shower, started coughing and heard something POP followed by HOLYGODPAIN! (I said about an 8 on the pain scale because I imagine there are a lot of things more painful, although it didn’t feel like it at that very moment.)
HWMMS came running in the bedroom and I couldn’t even move I was in so much pain. Ended up going to the hospital, where I deep down inside knew I was going to be diagnosed with something wimpy and pathetic but wanted to MAKE SURE because that POP really HURT. And every time I coughed, acute sharp pain. Not pleasant.
Turns out after a chest X-Ray and evaluation by the doctor, it’s only a pulled muscle. Talk about wimpy! A pulled muscle? THAT’S ALL? WHY DOES SAID PULLED MUSCLE HURT SO DARN MUCH AND WHY CAN’T I STOP RANDOMLY COUGHING IF I NO LONGER HAVE BRONCHITIS.
I’m a WIMP!
Remind me of this when I say I want to attempt natural childbirth someday please? Actually I KNOW HWMMS will remind me. Poor guy dealing with his irrational, oversensitive wife. It only aches when I’m not coughing, and most of the time I’m not consistently coughing (post-nasal drippy allergies I hate you!) but when I do cough? I have to hold my side first because IT HURTS. And every once in a while with a deep cough IT HURTS LIKE HELL. I imagine this is what a contraction feels like, only 1000X wimpier.
The kind doctor told me ibuprofen and Tylenol every few hours, but in the meantime gave me two Lortabs and told me to follow up with my primary doctor. I gotta see if I have any of those strong drugs left from whencause if I continue coughing, I’m gonna need em.