I’m not saying I’m experiencing a midlife crisis, I’m just saying that juggling depression/anxiety, t2d, <peri>menopause, & yet unnamed chronic inflammatory illnesses? during a global pandemic & collapse of America makes me hope this is a 3/4 life crisis. I can’t do 40+ more yrs.

The last 9 monthsish I have been the opposite of reliable with commitments, tasks etc… my body says nope. Or I know I need to say nope so my body won’t hate itself later. It’s mentally debilitating. I feel guilty, pathetic. Disappointed but trying to give myself grace.

Despite being tired early evening yesterday – I did not sleep *at all* last night. Nope. A 30 min snoozle around 4:30ish just in time to wake up for work. BOO INSOMNIA. And surprisingly enough, even with no sleep – I’m not tired at the moment. who’da thunk it? MY BODY IS A WONDERLAND <and hates me> according to my FitBit – which I know isn’t entirely accurate – I have had almost no deep sleep the last week. Not good.

I’ve been all over the place mentally, I feel like I’ve overwhelmed and annoyed people and this makes me sad and want to hide. Did you ever just want to cry and cry and cry? Sigh…

My brain right now – I don’t have any five year plan….am I supposed to have a five year plan right now?

I’m positive I look ridiculous, but I’m sitting here at work with a sleeveless dress (took off poncho) and wee fan blowing on me because – WOMAN OF CERTAIN AGE? 😰

So it’s a super small sample but 2/3 people who just came in to the hospital didn’t think they had to wear a mask anymore and asked why…um healthcare facility? ALSO THIS IS WHY THE PANDEMIC WILL NEVER END. Crazy idea, but, how about because we are in YEAR THREE OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC we stop playing whack-a-mole with people’s lives and just wear a damn mask. No lifting and mandating and lifting and mandating…just mask up. This will never end. Life must go on! Um, it’s a piece of cloth on your face. You wear pieces of cloth on your feet to go in public placed without calls for FREEDOM. I hate all of this so much. So. Much.

I might end up spending less time on Instagram seeing people in public indoor places snapping photos without masks. It causes me great anxiety.

I could stay at Weber Wonderland and see no one for the foreseeable future and be perfectly content. This doesn’t mean for one second I don’t love my friends. Apparently I’m wired very differently than the rest of the world.