Labor Day.

I decided to not labor on Labor Day. Not even in the garden (it rained all last night and it’s still pretty damp out there.)

DESPITE this decision, I found myself sitting near our giant hop box, pulling out weeds. WHY? Not sure. Last time I tried to pull weeds out of the hop box I found this friendly snake, which scared the bejezus out of me. But,I have saffron crocuses planted in there too and I want them to have a chance to bloom this Fall, so I just sat down and pulled a few weeds.

And then a few more and then…

HOLYHELLWHATTHEHELLISSTINGINGMEOHMYGODGETITOFF!

A sting.

I first assume it is a, singular sting and I’m FRANTIC AND SCREAMING trying to get the insect off my finger. And as I’m frantic and screaming, HWMMS comes over to help because I’m frantic and screaming “GET IT OFF ME! (Along with a few iterations of the F word – sorry not sorry neighbors.)

Burning pain everywhere!

What on earth is going on?

My finger, my ankle my elbow MAKE IT STOP!

WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

I hear HWMMS telling me to GET UP because well, obviously, I’ve uncovered a ground nest of pure stinging burning evil and it is all around me. Funny thing is, in that moment, getting up didn’t even occur to me, Yes. I’m in a swarm of stinging and it didn’t occur to me to get up. I was just trying to get the “one” off of me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

A few seconds later (I’m certain it was seconds though it felt like minutes) my brain is registering what HWMMS is screaming “get out of there, roll over and crawl out of there, they are everywhere!”

And I somehow roll over and get out of there.

I’m on FIRE. And screaming to be hosed down. HWMMS is telling me to take off my clothes in case the bees/wasps are flying around in my dress…he’s running to turn on the garden hose (which we used earlier, because I so nicely stepped in squishy dog poo…) — my brain suddenly says MUST SUBMERGE IN COOL WATER TO STOP THE BURNING NEEDLE SENSATION – POOL!

My naked self (no longer being swarmed with ground bees/wasps) heads to the pool and jumps in—and then breaks down and cries. And cries, and cries some more while floating with a pool noodle.

Holy heck. No stingers anywhere, but at least one bite on my finger. I would guess a half dozen on my ankle/back of leg and at least that many on my opposite elbow and arm.

IT FELT LIKE MY SKIN WAS ON FIRE. SO MANY PRICKLY NEEDLES. I had no idea something so small would hurt so damn much. And I’m super duper glad one of our dogs didn’t discover this nest instead of me.

Many Benedryl and several Tylenol later, I still feel a warm, stingy pulsating on three areas of my body. I do not recommend.

All I know for sure is…I’m never trying to weed that damn hop box area again. 1. Snake 2. Swarm of Stinging Insects there will NOT BE A #3 FOR ME.

NEXT MORNING UPDATE: 

No sleep. I iced the heck out of my leg and arm all night. I got up at least 5 times for fresh ice and more ibuprofen and more Benedryl. I didn’t think it was still supposed to be BURNING and pulsing after a few hours? I was wrong. Around 5 am or so the pain on my leg stopped beating and I fell asleep for a little while. But the arm—still feeling it this morning. Not pain, but prickly and pulsing.

If I were allergic to stings, I probably would have died. In that moment of being constantly stung, this is what I thought. It was that painful. This is also why I didn’t cannonball into the pool and still walked down the stairs and broke down crying once in the water. I was afraid I would stop breathing…how do I know if I’m allergic to multiple stings if I’ve never been in that situation before? In fact someone from my High School passed away this year because a bee/wasp got up in his pants and he had multiple stings (and was allergic.)

It all sounds so silly when seeing it in black and white but man oh man, in the moment, it was easily one of the Top 3 most painful moments of my 45 years.

Previously Seen on All Things Jennifer (from 2012) – Hornet Sting!!!