My dearest HWMMS,

I write this message from far across the room wondering how long it will take our rural satellite internet service to send to you my request for more homegrown lemon chamomile tea. I wish not to exert my energy in these humid times to walk up the stairs to the kitchen nor disturb the sleeping dogs snoring at my side. A million shillings I shall bestow thee upon retrieval.

Dear Outside World,

My day including sleeping in the air conditioned bedroom, eating watermelon on the porch watching the rain, walking the doggos and floating in the pool. Please don’t wake me from this reality with news of the day.

Dear Brother,

We’re trying to advance the troops uphill but the reception here is only 3G and Google Maps keeps freezing. Also, not able to buffer YouTube videos about how fix bayonets. Send thoughts and prayers.

Guy at Costco,

It’s hot as Hell, yo. PLANTS brown. Need Brawndo.

Peace Out, Sgt. Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

Dear Mom,

I fear I have almost reached the end of the internet. Please send books.